


Star Vs the Forces of Arlen

by Boonaw, JustSagan



Category: King of the Hill, Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Crossover, Death, Hurt, Lies, Loss, Misunderstandings, Pain, Plans, Police, Prison, Prison Sex, Sex, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2018-12-07 11:16:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11622420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boonaw/pseuds/Boonaw, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustSagan/pseuds/JustSagan
Summary: When a freak accident sends Hank, Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn to Mewni, only the power of friend ship can... HA HA HA! Just joking! Some crazy stuff is gonna happen in this story, and you gotta read it to find out what happens! This story was written by Boonaw and I. Also the cover pic was made by Boonaw. Show him some love!





	1. My God Damn Neighbor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some stuff is about to go down!

[](https://imgur.com/qmulQZJ)

This is a story that my good friend Boonaw and I wrote together. Enjoy!

...

It was a nice normal American day in Arlen. Hank was cracking open a cold one with the boys. (No we didn't reference the meme, Hank was doing this WAY before it became a meme.) But what they didn't know was that a very angry Asian named Kahn was watching them from his house.

"Oh those damn rednecks drinking their cheap ass hillbilly beer" Kahn Soupho? Suphaapho? Supa? Fuck it, just Kahn, muttered as he walked angrily out of his house to teach those hillbillies a lesson!

Meanwhile, our four friendly neighborhood "rednecks" were doing what they do best. Drinking beer, talking, and subtly repressing their homosexual feelings for each other.

"Yep." Hank said.

"Yeeeup" Dale followed.

"Mmhmm" Boomhauer said as he started to sweat, while he stared at Bill.

"Yep..." Bill finally said as he glanced at Boomhauer's strange stare.

"Dango Bill… It's pretty dango hot out here. Dango you wanna take your dango shirt off Bill, dango… HOT!" Boomhauer suggested.

"I don't know why… But I feel like someone is trying to turn us into homosexuals~. Almost like someone's makin' a shitty fanfiction about us..." Dale implied.

"God dammit Boomhauer, stop trying to get Bill to take his shirt off." Hank shouted, while ignoring what Dale said previously.

"Uuugh, guys I-I think I've got Implosive ASS Diarrhea again! GUUH!" Bill moaned, as a portal began to suck his underwear and pants into his asshole!

"AAAHHH! IT'S THE END OF DAYS!" Dale screamed as he dropped to the ground, with his hands covering his head.

"Damn it Dale, stop being stupid, you know this happens once or twice a month!" Hank shouted, followed by a sigh.

"He ain't no d-dango woman..." Boomhauer replied, not really paying attention to what was happening.

"Wait, BILL'S A WOMAN!? AAAAAAHHHH" Dale screamed, misunderstanding what Boomhauer had said.

"Ga-God dammit Dale stand up! You know Bills just gotta take his medication!" Hank stated, as he lifted Dale up off of the ground.

Bill then ran to his house to get his meds while also sucking trash, random debris, and a kid that was riding his bike, up into his ass.

"Gees Hank, why are you so mad today?" Dale asked, in a kinda angry tone.

*Sigh... "I'm sorry. I'm just a bit annoyed with some former customers. They cancelled their propane orders because they decided that… Charcoal… Was better for grilling… Bastards."

The 3 of them stood there silently for a while, before Hank spoke up again.

"Well I gotta go send these propane tanks back to Strickland Propane, where we sell the best Propane and Propane accessories!"

"This ain't no dango Ad!" Boomhauer irritatedly said.

"Well… You guys wanna come take the propane back to Strickland where we sell the best Prop-"

"FOR GODS SAKES HANK, STOP STOP WE'LL COME WITH YOU!" Dale pleaded.

"Alright then, come on." Hank said.

Hank, Boomhauer, and Dale, then started to walk to Hanks red, purty truck, filled with nice, sexy, shiny, Strickland Propane. But as they walked up to it, they noticed that there was a problem.

"Ha! Look at what i'm doin you stupid hillbillies!" Kahn announced.

The three of them stood in shock as Kahn pulled out his micro penis, and began to piss all over Hank's Propane tanks.

"Ha Ha! Take that you stupid hillbilly rednecks!"

Hank stood there, his eye started to twitch, and then he let his anger out.

"BWWWWAAAAA! YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!"

After that outburst, Hank ran up to Kahn, and was about to kick his ass. But then suddenly, Kahn's piss had made its way into one of the propane tanks through its loose valve, and caused a chain reaction that caused all of the propane tanks to blow up, knocking Hank, Boomhauer, and Dale back towards to road, while also sending Kahn flying straight up into the air, like a cum jet. But instead of killing them, most of the blast imploded into itself, ripping the universe a new asshole.

There was now a portal where the truck use to be. It was an ugly ass green and blue color that looked like someone had shit it out of there fat disgusting 500 pound ass.

"BAH! WHAT IS THIS?! AHH!" Kahn screamed, like a little bitch as he flew higher into the air.

"AHH IT'S THE END OF DAYS!" Dale yelled, right after he slammed into the ground, remarkably unhurt.

Hank wanted to disagree, but there was a fucking portal on the ground, how could he disagree?

"Dango Kahn's gonna dango die." Boomhauer stated, as Kahn started to fall back to the ground.

But instead of splattering on the ground, he went through the universe's gaping asshole.

"G-God damnit! Now we gotta go rescue Kahn! I'm still gonna kick his ass, but we gotta make sure he's okay first." Hank said as he ran up to the portal.

"Wait for us~!" Dale pleaded.

Hank then jumped into the portal, Dale and Boomhauer followed. A few moments after they went through, the portal collapsed.

Right after the portal closed, Bill came running outside in a panic.

"Guys help! I can't find my medication!"

But Bill then stopped when he saw all of the truck and propane debris littering the ground. He then noticed that no one else was around.

"Where did everybody go...?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! More to come!


	2. Welcome to Mewni, I tell you what

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What could happen next?

EPIC NARRATOR!: "Last time on King of the Hill, our four heroes were doin' some shit, and then some weird shit happened, and even more weird shit happened! Now more shit is about to happen!"

...

"Oh god, I think I broke my head bone! Aaah my butt!" Kahn said disorientedly.

Shortly after, Hank, Dale, and Boomhauer, came thru the portal.

"BWAA~ where are we? Where's Kahn!?" Hank said, fired up!

"Dango, Kahn right there, holding his dango butt." Boomhauer said, while staring at Kahn in a very strange way. (Ha! GAY!)

Hank, Boomhauer, and Dale, then noticed a noticeably large bump on Kahn's head.

"Hey Kahn you okay?" Hank said with concern.

"Yeah I think so... stupid hillbilly..."

"Good, good… DALE, BOOMHAUER, HOLD HIM DOWN!" Hank commanded!

Boomhauer and Dale like slaves did as the white man said, and tackled that Asian to the ground, holding him down.

"NOW I'M GONNA KICK YER ASS!" Hank shouted, as he pulled his fist back, and got ready to punch Kahn in his stupid face. But a strange lizard figure interrupted him.

"Oh please, no violence… I don't want to get blood on my new carpet."

"AAHH! IT'S A LIZARD MAN, I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG! ILLUMINATI~! " Dale shouted as the others fell silent in awe.

Hank wanted to call Dale an idiot, but there was literally a lizard man standing in front of them.

"Now, if you stop your slave from screaming, I'll introduce myself." The Lizard man said.  
"Slave? I'm not his slave, I'm his friend." Dale said, mildly annoyed.

"Is that what he calls you… Well whatever the case, you have ceased your screaming, so allow me to introduce myself… I'm Toffee."

"What? You're not candy! What kinda stupid name is that?" Kahn said, in his typical ass hole tone.

This angered Toffee.

"I would be careful strange one, you are already on thin ice after you nearly destroyed my ceiling." Toffee passive aggressively said.

The four of them looked up at the ceiling and saw the huge dent and cracks that Kahn had left, then they looked back at Toffee, ready to speak again, but as they were about to speak, a chandelier fell down and nailed Dale right on the head.

"GUAAHHH, THE PAIN THE PAIN!" Dale screamed, as he fell to his knees!

"See? look what you've done..." Toffee said while giving a disappointed nod.

"I can help you fix that, I just gotta go home and get ma tools." Hank said, as he looked back, and noticed that the portal was gone.

"So uh, how do we get back anyway?"

Upon hearing that they didn't know how to get home, it gave Toffee the perfect idea.

"Brain blast..." Toffee muttered to himself.

"Well I'm not exactly sure how you guys created the portal, but in our universe, to create portals we need a particular, type of wand, and I need you to get it for me."

"Well why don't you just go get it then?" Kahn pointed out.

"Well you see, I'm a lizard man, and I would more than like cause a panic, and would have no chance of getting my hands on that wand… Especially considering what I would have to do to get my hands on it in the first place."

"I'm not working for the Illuminati!" Dale stated as he recovered from the blow to the head.

"That's also part of it, some of the more paranoid humans would think I'm apart of this "Illuminati" organization, and would probably kill me on sight."

"YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! YYAAAAH!" Dale yelled as he pulled out his brand new CS:GO knife, and tried stabbing Toffee, but he was then held back by Boomhauer.

"Dango calm down Dale dango don't kill the dango man, he gonna dango get us home."

"Now JUST wait a minute… You said humans, we're humans too, couldn't you just send us back to Earth? You're describing Earth right?" Hank asked.

"No shit Hank Hill, man you're really stupid, dumb hillbilly." Kahn retorted.

"I don't think you understand. Your Earth is is different than the Earth I'm talking about. Your Earth is in a different reality." Toffee explained.

Hank then looked over at Kahn.

"Don't say a word Hank, let's just find out what we gotta do."

"Well glad you asked." Toffee happily said.

"Now here's the plan. There's a girl named Star Butterfly, she's 14, and has the wand we want. I will open a portal that will allow you to travel to her home town. You will also be near her too once you step through the portal. Oh and not to mention there's a boy named Marco, that's always around her, take him out. But don't underestimate him, he knows karate."

Toffee then pulled a picture out of his pocket.

"Here is what they look like. You should hold onto that." Toffee said, as he showed everyone the picture, and then handed it to Hank.

"Now wait just a minute. I have a couple questions… First, you can open up portals? Second, you want us to attack two 14 year old teens?" Hank asked, concerned, while staring at the photo.

"Dango I don't see a dango problem with that..." Boomhauer muttered to himself.

"Well to answer your questions... Hank is it? I can open portals, but they are not strong enough to open portals to other realities, that's why we need the wand. Also, I know it must be hard for you to go after two 14 year olds, but it's the only way." Toffee said, pretending to show sympathy.

"Dango would you dango hurry up already, i'm getting dango tired of holding dango holding off Dale!" Boomhauer announced.

"Oh absolutely!" Toffee said, as he opened a portal.

Hank looked at the portal sadly, as thought about what he would have to do.

"Oh quit being such a pussy Hank! Let's go!" Kahn said, as he walked into the portal."Dango ya Hank, let's get dango going." Boomhauer said, as he dragged Dale into the portal.

Hank was then about to walk into the portal, but was stopped by Toffee.

"Wait! I can tell that you are the smart one of the group, so I decided that I should tell you that Star Butterfly can use magic, and the wand is the source of her power. Be careful" Toffee said, as he went back to reading his newspaper.

Hank stared, surprised by what situation he's in right now.

"Yep..." Hank said trying to sound confident, before stepping through the portal.

Toffee watched as Hank walked through the closing portal. And for a last word of advice Toffee said:

"Keep those idiots in check…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how these four will do? What do you think?


	3. Dango Plan One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What have they got them self's into...

JustSagan: "So... Boonaw just informed me that we can no longer afford the epic narrator…

Sorry. We blew the budget on Chapter 2 and now we have to work out of our garages."

Boonaw: "Expensive bastard he was..."

…

Hank had stepped out of the portal, and was shocked to see Boomhauer with a strap of knives wrapped around his body, while Dale and Kahn were hiding in a bush.

"Boomhauer, why in the hell do you have knifes?" Hank asked.

"It's apart of the dango plan Hank" Boomhauer replied.

"Plan? We just got here! How in the hell do you guys already have a plan?"

"Stupid hillbilly, not all plans take a whole day to do!" Kahn shouted.

"Yeah Hank, let's not waste a whole chapter on a plan." Dale insisted, but no one seemed to have heard him… Again… :(

"Besides… Look at them, the two of them are there playing in the street! They're sitting ducks!" Kahn pointed out.

Boomhauer was about to get up to execute the plan, but was stopped!

"Hold on Boomhauer, now just h'what is this plan?" Hank asked.

"I'm gonna dango walk up to her, dango finesse her"

"H'what!?" Hank said in shock.

"OH GOOD! Then you can stab her and take the wand!" Dale exclaimed!

"Oooh I like this plan" Kahn approved, with a shit eating grin.

"Dango ya." Boomhauer agreed.

"I thought you had a plan already!" Hank stated.

"We didn't have time to come up with a plan!" Dale said.

"Stupid hillbilly, let's not waste a whole chapter on a stupid plan." Kahn muttered.

"Wait what did I just say?" Kahn asked to himself.

Boomhauer then hastily walked off before Hank could even respond. Boomhauer then walked up to Star Butterfly and Marco Mexican.

"Hey, that dango blond hair is quite pretty young lady." Boomhauer said, trying not to sound creepy.

"Aww! Thank you stranger!" Star said, with smile on her face.

Marco on the other hand was quite disturbed by this.

"Pst… Star! Star! We should get out of here! This 50 year old man literally has knives strapped to his body!" Marco whispered, but Star wanted to continue talking to Boomhauer.

"Silly Marco! There's nothing wrong with a 50 year old man, with knives, complementing a girl with pretty hair!" Star said loudly.

Marco didn't want this... Dumb bitch wasn't supposed to say that. Star then continued to talk with Jeff- I mean Boomhauer!

Hank, and the other two were stalking Jeff- (I mean Boomhauer, FUCK!) Star, and Marco. Everything seemed to be going well, but then Hank remembered something VERY important.

"Uh guys, did I tell you that the Star girl is able to use magic?"

Upon hearing this, Dale and Kahn looked back at Hank with vacant looks on their faces.

"What! Why the hell didn't you tell us this while we were making the plan? stupid hillbilly!"

"Ya Hank! This would have been very good information to know!"

Hank was quite peeved by this.

"You guys didn't give me a goddamn chance to tell you guys!"

The three then started to bicker with each other for a while. But then they all remembered the next step in Boomhauer's plan, and looked over at him!

Star and Boomhauer were both laughing together, while Marco looked unimpressed, and sad. But then...

"Haahaha dango you know what else is dango funny!?" Boomhauer said.

"What is!?" Star said trying to contain her laughter.

"MY DANGO KNIFE IN YOUR DANGO FACE!" he exclaimed as he pulled off a knife from the strap and was about to stab her in the FUCKING face!

Star with the reflexes of a ninja, pulled her wand out, and narwhal blasted Boomhauer in the FUCKING crotch! Boomhauer was sent flying back a couple of meters, and collided with a tree. As he fell to the ground, he gripped his obliterated nuts.

"Dango…. dango…. nuts… dango~..." Boomhauer said with his last breath, as he shit himself.

Hank and the other two were about to go and help Boomhauer, but then they saw a cop roll up on his pimped tricycle.

"Oh shit! Run!" Kahn said, as he tried to run, but got his pants stuck on some thorns in the bush.

Hank and Dale quickly grabbed Kahn, and pulled him out. Unfortunately, his pants didn't survive.

"Nooo! My pants!"

"Leave them you idiot!" Dale screamed.

The three managed to make it out of there, but Boomhauer was not so lucky.

The cop (who looked more like a bodybuilding Drill Sergeant, and sounded like Sergeant Hartman) stepped off of his tricycle, and then looked at Star and Marco.

"What happened here, and why is there a 50 year old man with knives strapped to his body, holding his nuts?" The cop said, in a VERY stern tone.

"Sir! THIS MAN TRIED TO KILL US! H-H-HE~ PULLED A KNIFE OUT AND TRIED TO STAB MY FRIEND IN THE FACE! And then and then and then..." Marco started to hyperventilate, so Star stepped in.

"And then I hit him in the nuts!" she proudly said.

The cop looked at Boomhauer, and looked back at Star.

"You did the right thing little girl! And don't worry, I'll take care of this freek!"

The cop then flexed his mighty muscles, pulled out a rope and lassoed Boomhauer by the neck, like a noose.

"Yer comin' with me! I WANNA SEE YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!"

He then attached the lasso to the back of his big ass tricycle, and started to ride off.

"Dango help! help Hank! HELP! Dango help! *cough" Boomhauer pleaded as he slid against the hot cement, choking.

Star was quite relieved, but Marco was still kinda scared.

"Did you hear that Star? He called for someone named Hank! He wasn't alone!"

Marco seemed like was about to start hyperventilating again, but Star calmed him down.

"Marco, I hit him super hard in the nuts, i'm pretty sure he was just hallucinating or something."

This kinda calmed Marco down, but he was still a little paranoid, so they decided to go home.

Hank, Dale, and Kahn watched as the two walked away.

"We have to follow them!" Kahn urged.

"You can't go anywhere without your pants dumbass!" Hank replied.

"Shit! Wait here you stupid rednecks."

"Where are you going!?" Dale asked.

"To go get my pants!"

Kahn stepped out into the open, revealing his way too tighty whities and various wet stains by his tiny bulge. Kahn, once half way across the street, noticed a woman in a nearby house, looking at him and getting ready to dial 911.

"I've gotta do this quick" Kahn thought to himself.

But just as he was about to move again, Star and Marco walked out of the house.

"Aw SHIT!" Kahn said, as he ran behind the nearest tree.

"Hey Marco! I forgot to show you this new spell!" Star said, as she pointed her wand towards the bush that Kahn's pants were in.

Star then incinerated the bush, completely destroying it, and also destroying the pants.

"Hey that was pretty cool! But please don't burn the house down." Marco said.

"Oh don't worry Marco! The house would be completely destroyed before you could even see any fire!" Star said, while happily skipping back into the house while Marco just stared at the destruction Star caused.

Kahn then walked out from behind the Tree.

"NOOOOO! My pants!"

Kahn was about ready to cry, but he then noticed that girl in the house was talking on the phone while looking at him.

"Oh shit! I gotta get out of here!"

Kahn then began to run back to the guys, while also trying to hold back his tears. All the good times he had with those pants, so many nut busts… Experience… All gone now, because some white bitch decided to incinerate them.

"Well that was weird..." Marco said as he walked back into his house.

As Kahn made it back to Hank and Dale, while trying not to cry.

"So Kahn where's your pants?" Dale asked.

"That stupid bitch incinerated them!"

"Incinerated..." Hank murmured.

"What type of world is this!? TELL US! TEELLL UUUSSSS!" Dale screamed into the sky, waiting for an answer.

"Dale get serious. We know h'what type of power this girl has, we gotta make a plan. A REAL PLAN!" Hank emphasised.

"Yeah we don't wanna end up like Boomhauer." Dale said, sadly.

"Or my pants!" Kahn stated.

"Okay, well it's getting dark, we better go rent a nearby motel, get some food, and get Kahn some goddamn pants!" Hank explained.

"How much money do we have anyway, because I left my wallet with Nancy." Dale said.

"Well let me check my- goddamn it!" Hank yelled as he felt nothing in his pocket.

"Don't tell me you don't have your wallet either!" Kahn criticized.

Hank said nothing.

"Well unlike you rednecks I never forget my wallet!" Kahn said, as he started to laugh.

"Now let me just grab it out of my…" Kahn stopped talking after he realised he wasn't wearing his pants, and that he was only reaching into his soiled underwear.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Kahn screamed as he fell to his knees and started to cry.

"Those 2 are going to pay for what they did to my pants!" Kahn shouted, as he hit the ground with his fist.

"Well, looks like we'll have to find somewhere to sleep, somewhere close to their house, so we can try and get some information on them." Hank said.

"Come on Kahn...You'll get new pants..." Dale said, trying to cheer him up.

The three then walked off, out of the neighborhood, by the nearby park.

Once there, Hank turned around and looked at the street.

"Why is there a trail of shit on the road?" Hank said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye bye Boomhauer...


	4. Wingo!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can the three secure the wand?

The next morning

...

Hank woke up from a dream about getting to third base with a propane lady version 2.5. But the dream ended when Peggy walked in, and wanted a three way.

"Bwaaaa!" Hank screamed, catching the attention Kahn.

"Bah! Don't scream like that you stupid hillbilly! By the way, nice morning wood! Ha!" Kahn pointed out, in his normal ass hole tone.

"Shut up Kahn..." Hanks said, as he got up.

Hank then let his eyes adjust the the light, and then noticed that Dale was looking at Star's house with some old looking binoculars.

"Dale h'what're you doin'? And where did you get those binoculars?" Hank asked, as he stood up.

"I'm spying on our two targets. And I found these binoculars in the trash. They still work. Don't know why someone would throw them out." Dale replied, as he stared at the photo of Star and Marco.

"Dale, how'd ya get that photo?"

"I swiped it from yo while you were sleeping… Gotta always know what your target looks like." Dale said, as he looked back at the house, putting the photo in his pocket.

This didn't surprise Hank, Dale was one of those crazy survivalists types after all.

"Well did ya get any information?" Hank asked

"Actually yea, they are going to the movie theater later today." Dale said, as he continued to watch the house.

"Interesting… Wait, how in the hell did you figure that out just by watching them?" Hank asked

"That dumb girl was waving her movie tickets in the air like a stupid hillbilly!" Kahn pointed out.

"Not to mention she's using her demon magic to conjure up movie things, like popcorn, and more popcorn, and so much popcorn that I couldn't see through the window anymore!" Dale followed up.

"Okay well we need a plan. So I'm thinking we should camp out here a bit, and wait for 'em to come out. Then-"

"THEN STALK AND AMBUSH THEM!" Dale exclaimed, interrupting Hank.

"Yes..." Hank sighed.

"Shouldn't be too hard, they're just 2 teens after all." Kahn said.

"Actually, I saw 4 tickets, meaning they're bringing company… Maybe they're onto us..." Dale worried.

"Dale shut the hell up, stop being over dramatic." Hank said.

"And Kahn." Hank said, as he pointed at Kahn's legs.

"Did you forget that the girl can use God dang magic?!"

Kahn looked down at his legs, and had a Vitamin flashback. Kahn's eyes widened, and his face had the expression of pure fear… The fear of lost pants...

"Kahn, are you ok?" Hank asked, to the shaking pantsless man.

"Uhh…. Ya ya, I'm fine… Let's come up with a plan…"

"SHH SHH! Guys! A girl and a flying horse head just walked up to the door!" Dale shouted.

"Don't tell us to shush when you're louder than us!" Kahn scowled.

"Will both of ya be quiet? Lets just see h'what they are doing." Hank pleaded.

The three then watched the two walk up to the door. The two then opened the door, and a whole bunch of popcorn poured out, covering the two.

"How did she manage to fill the entire house with popcorn?" Kahn quietly asked.

"Magic Kahn… Magic…" Dale replied, as they continued to watch.

Star then happily came out of the popcorn pile, while Marco struggled his way out, looking like he was having a hard time breathing. The other two then emerged out of the popcorn, and greeted Star and Marco.

"Honestly thought I'd never see that happen in my life." Hank said, as he looked down in confusion.

Star then made the popcorn go away, with her magic, and then the four walked into her house.

"Okay then what's our plan Hill?" Kahn asked.

"Alright now listen up..."

…

Hank then spent the next seven hours making up a plan, and gathering everything they needed for it.

"Alright, let's make sure we got everything we need." Hank said.

"I managed to get some walkie talkies. Don't ask how I got them…" Dale said.

"And I found a crowbar, a large stick that kinda looks like her wand, and I washed my underwear so it wouldn't smell as bad." Kahn added.

Star, Marco, and the other two left the house, and started walking towards the movie theater.

"They're on the move! It's time to strike!" Dale pointed out.

"Alright let's go" Hank commanded.

They then set off and followed Star and the others, following them like sneaky ninjas, at a safe distance. The 3 GROWN MEN then listened in on the kids conversation.

"Hey thanks for inviting us Staaar~. I've always wanted to get closer to you." Starfan13 creeply said, as she got awkwardly close to Star.

"Hey Marco, where's Jackass- I mean Jackie" Ponyhead asked.

"She said she couldn't come, she has a skate meeting. Whatever that is."

"WOW~ LOSER! You got stood up!"

"Hey!-"

"So anywaaay how about you Star, where's that Oskar guy you were tryin' to get with?" Ponyhead asked.

"He stopped answering my calls… Mid conversation… He said some kid hit his car and he had to deal with him… Then I heard him screaming in pain and the call ended. This happened yesterday."

Starfan13's smile widened even wider knowing that Oskar couldn't take her girl anymore.

"Probably was sum fake screams, maybe he just didn't want to talk to you girl." Ponyhead suggested.

Marco looked at Ponyhead with his resting bitch face (Boonaw: "fucking cunt he was"), pulled out his phone, and played the recording.

"Listen." Marco said LIK baby.

Recording: "...*useless conversation… *more useless conversation… *Loud thud…

Oskar: "Whut thwa? Where'd this bike come from!?"

Star: "What's wrong Oskiepoo- I meant Oskar!" (Everyone cringed at that including Hank, Dale, and Kahn.)

Oskar: "Hold on some kid just hit my car! I gotta go deal with him, brb!"

Star: "Okaaay"

*moist sounds coming from Star's end.

(Everyone cringed again, and Star was very embarrassed)

Oskar: "HEY KID! YOU READY FOR AN ASS WHOOPIN'!?"

("Hey that's ma thing" Hank said to himself.)

Kid: *grunt *grunt "I'VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH ALREADY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! AAAAAAHHHH!"

*Bloody beating sounds *Child laughing *Bones breaking

Oskar: "AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Random voice: "HEY KID! GET OVER HERE!"

*End call. "

Everyone seemed visibly disturbed except for Starfan13.

"Uum Marco~ why was that on your phone, and not Star's?" Ponyhead asked.

"Because whenever Star makes a call on Earth, she uses my phone..." Marco replied, in a lifeless tone.

Then the four of them walked in silence for a while, before Starfan13 broke it. (Boonaw: "We might need some new silence. Hey Sagan how much does that cost?" JustSagan: "Don't be dumb Boonaw, you know that silence costs WAY too much money!")

"I don't think it was THAT bad guuuys heh heh, at least we have the movies~ and Staaaaaar~..." Starfan13 creepily said.

"What the fuck is wrong with this crazy world?!" Kahn quietly said to Hank and Dale.

Hank and Dale didn't have anything to say, and just continued to follow the four, and eventually they arrive at the theater.

"Alright, we're here. Now let's make our way to the back of the theater." Hank commanded.

"How do we know if it's gonna be there hah Hank? What if it's not there, what if it's behind us!?" Dale shouted as he jolted his head back!

"OR MAYBEEE…."

"Shut up you redneck! They always hang out in the back of the theater! And why you callin' it "it"? Just call it a Mascot!" Kahn angrily replied to Dale, vexed.

"Guah! Would you two stop fighting, and just follow me?" Hank commanded, as he started to walk to the back of the theater, passing Marco and the other three. While passing, Marco noticed Kahn, and instantly recognized him.

"Hey Star, it's the crazy man with no pants I was telling you about before. Ha! He still doesn't have pants!"

The two then started to laugh at Kahn. Kahn of course took notice of this.

"Guys Hurry! They are laughing at me!" Kahn said, as he started to have another Vitamin flashback, and bolted to the back.

Hank and Dale followed.

"Kahn you know I'm not fit to run that fast!" Dale said huffing and puffing.

"Hold up guys. I can see the mascot, and it looks like he is… Oh God! He's having sex with a girl!" Hank said.

The three of them then started to sneak up on the Peanut Man Mascot, while he was having sex with the girl that may or may not have been of legal age.

"Oh yeah! I can feel those cankles!" The Mascot said, super pumped!

However, just as they got close to him, he looked back at the three.

"I did not have sexual relations with that women." The Mascot stated as he pulled his penis out of the girl.

Kahn then pulled the crowbar out, and hit the mascot over the head with it, knocking him out.

"OH MY GOD! AHHHH!" The girl said, as she tried to make a run for it.

Hank quickly ran up to her, and shoved her to the ground.

"I'm sorry about this…" Hank said, as he stomped on her face, knocking her out cold.

Dale looked kinda shocked at what just transpired.

"Gees guys. This was a lot more brutal than I thought it would be." Dale stated.

"I know Dale… But we can't worry about that now, just help us get this costume off." Hank said.

The three then managed to pull the costume off of the man. As they did, Hank noticed something interesting about the man.

"You know if I didn't know any better, I would say that this was Bill Clinton."

With the costume finally pulled off, Hank had Kahn put it on.

"Gaa! It smells like sex and beer in here, my pants were better!" Kahn pouted.

"Well your pants are gone, so stop complaining, suck it up. Plus you are on reconnaissance. So take this walkie-talkie and keep an eye on things." Hank said as he handed Kahn a walkie-talkie.

"Dale, you go hang out in the bathroom until Kahn needs your help. The GUYS bathroom!"

"I know I know, gee I'm not stupid ya know." Dale expressed.

"And I'm gonna sneak into the theater and try and swap their wand with the fake wand I made." Hank explained.

"Got it!" Dale exclaimed, with true passion!

"This better not go wrong hillbilly! I don't feel like going to prison or being incinerated! Which reminds me, I gotta ditch this crowbar!" Kahn grumbled, and then threw the crowbar in a nearby dumpster.

"As long as you follow the plan, everything will go well, now go do your job." Hank commanded.

Coincidentally not a minute later, Star, Marco, Ponyhead, and Starfan13 walked into the "Tyrone the Watermelon King vs John Cena" theater room.

"Perfect..." Hank muttered to himself.

Hank then started to walk into the theater, and found a seat right behind the four of them. He then quietly pulled his walkie-talkie out, and contacted the others.

"I'm in position guys."

"Over, in position, over." Dale relayed.

"You don't say over twice you stupid Redneck! Also I'm in position." Kahn relayed.

With everyone in position, Hank started to execute is plan. He slowly went down by Stars pocket, and started to grip her wand. But just as he got a grip on it, Star reached back, and felt Hanks fap hand. Hank quickly jumped back while Star looked back, and the other three stared at Hank. fortunately, Hank managed to think of an excuse.

"Bwaa! I'm sorry! I'm blind and I was looking for some candy I dropped! I didn't mean to grab you!"

The four looked at him in confusion, and then continued to watch the movie.

"Why would a blind man be in a movie theater?" Marco asked.

"Well… Maybe he just likes to hear the movies. Blind people still like entertainment." Star retorted, and they all agreed with her.

Hank decided that he should wait a few minutes before making another attempt...

A few minutes later, Hank was about to make another attempt, but Star stood up.

"Hey guys, me and Ponyhead have to go to the bathroom." Star whispered.

"Wait, let me go with you… I also have to go to the bathroom…" Starfan13 whispered.

As all three of them stood up to go to the bathroom, some random nigga yelled at them.

"Yo ge outta the way B! DEADASS trying to watch our lord and saveya` Tyrone on th screen!"

"Oh I'm so sorry, we'll get out of your way!" Star replied in fear, she didn't wanna cap in her ass, DEADASS!

They then walked out to the bathroom.

Hank pulled out his walkie-talkie to inform Kahn of the situation.

"The three girls just left to go to the bathroom, can you see them? Also I'll stay here and distract the boy."

"What?" Marco asked, confused.

"Uugh I'm sorry boy, when you can't see, you sometimes get scared when someone yells… Ya gotta calm yourself down even if you're talking to no one, because no one is like nothing, and that is what I see..." Hank said, acting sad.

"Oh... I'm so sorry sir..." Marco said, saddened.

Hank then went back to talking to "no one".

"OH I see them! They're all walking into the bathroom, one stayed out. It's that weird floating horse head thing." Kahn informed.

Meanwhile Dale was listening in on their conversation and he had a brilliant plan!

"What if I just go in the bathroom, knock the girls out, and take the wand!? GOD DAMN I'M A GENIUS!" Dale said to himself, as he began to run out of the bathroom, dropping the walkie-talkie.

"Tell Dale not to react yet, if he does, he could jeopardize the whole plan." Hank asked of Kahn.

"Um... I think that's too late, that stupid Hillbillies out of the bathroom!" Kahn replied.

"Move aside floating horse demon! I don't want to hurt you~!" Dale shouted!

"Hmp hmp, baby please, you can't hurt a beauty like me, no mhmm!"

"Fine then you leave me no choice… POCKET SAND!" Dale yelled as he threw pocket sand into Ponyhead's eyes, blinding her!

"Aaah!" Ponyhead cried!

Dale then booked it into the bathroom. He Then saw Stars shoes under one of the stalls.

"There she is!" Dale said to himself.

Dale then violently started to bang on the stall door, screaming!

"OPEN UP YOU MAGIC WITCH!"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Star screamed, it was so loud, that Starfan13, who was spying on her through a glory hole, glasses shattered!

"Ha! Your screams won't shatter my glasses! Mine are bulletproof! So OPEN THE DOOR NOW!" Dale said, as he continued to beat on the door.

Kahn was able to hear the screaming, and relayed what was happening back to Hank.

"This is bad! Hank I think Dale is trying to break her stall door down, and she is freaking out! Its drawing a lot of attention!" Kahn relayed to Hank.

"Ga-God damnit! Just hold your position!"

Hank stayed in the theater, and tried to make sure that Marco did not leave. But then…

"Yo Niggas! Some honkey is trying to attack some lil white blond girl in the bathroom! DEADASS!" The nigga yelled.

"Oh shit B! We gotta beat that honky's ass!"

Then a gang of niggas ran out of the theater!

"Wait.. A blonde girl in the bathroom… Oh no! Star!"

Marco then ran out of the theater. While Hank relayed back to Kahn.

"The boy and a gang of uh, African Americans are heading your way! Ill join you out there! Just hold your position!"

"Oh God I see those apes!" Kahn said, not realizing what he said was quite racist.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Star continued to scream.

Dale then got down in a spider position, looking up at her through the gap of the stall door, peering into her eyes.

"STOP SCREAMIIIING~!" Dale yelled as he started to crawl towards her.

But, then the gang of niggas made there way into the bathroom, they grabbed Dale and dragged him away from the stall.

"AAAAHH WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Dale asked, shaking like he had a seizure.

"Nigga what chu doin'!? B!" one nigga said while stopping Dale.

The niggas then began to violently beat Dale, while Kahn listened and Hank watched in horror. But Dale somehow, maybe luck, managed to squirm out of the niggas grip!

"AAAH THEY'RE GONNA KILL ME AAAAHH!" Dale yelled, as he ran out of the bathroom.

"WHAT'DA YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN'!?" a policeman said, right before slamming Dale to the ground.

The policeman then stood over Dale, and crouched. Hank and Kahn recognized this policeman, he was the one who arrested Boomhauer!

"Dammit Kahn, Dale's finished, we gotta get outta here!"

"Agreed, let's go!"

Hank and Kahn then bolted out of the movie theater, finding a safe place to hide.

"YOU LIKE BEATING LITTLE GIRLS!?" The policeman asked (Boonaw: "Fuck it we're, calling him Hartman from now on.")

"Uh uuuh no!" Dale answered!

"DID I ASK YOU TO ANSWER!? AAH I WANNA SEE YOUR WAR FACE! LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACE!"

"What!?"

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS A WAR FACE LET ME SEE YOUR WAR FACE!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~" Dale started to cry.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU WANNA CRY ON ME!? AAAH YOU'RE GOIN' TO JAIL! AND WE'RE GONNA SEE YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!"

Dale started to freak out, he didn't want his butthole purged. With tears in his eyes, Dale threw the last bit of pocket sand he had into Hartman's eyes, but there was a problem…

"YOU CAN'T THROW SAND IN MY EYES! I got shades. I'M GONNA HAVE TO TEACH YOU A LESSON!" Hartman screamed as he picked up Dale and threw him into one of the concession stands. As soon as he hit it, the picture of Star and Marco he had in his pocket fell out.

"FOR GOD SAKES HANK! HELP~ HEEELLLP~!" Dale pleaded!

"NO ONE'S GONNA HELP YOU!" Hartman shouted, as he tied a lasso around Dales legs, attaching it to his tricycle.

"THE ONLY SAVE YOU'RE GONNA GET IS FOR YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!" Hartman yelled, as he dragged Dale out of the theater, on his tricycle.

"AAAAH! HAAAAAAANK! GOD THIS HURTS!" Dale cried out, as he was being dragged against the asphalt. Dales cries got more and more silent as he got further away from them.

Back at the theater, Star and Starfan13 walked out of the bathroom. Star was visibly scared.

"Star! Are you ok?!" Marco asked, as he ran up to Star, and hugged her.

"I… Think I'm fine Marco… I'm glad those men and that police officer were there…" Star said… Sorta relieved.

"Aye yo B, I just recoded that nigga, and just posted it on Worldstar! Deadass got like 2 views!" A nigga said.

"Hell yeah that's was'up B!" another nigga said in joy.

The niggas then all dapped each other up and left.

However, after everyone calmed themselves down, Marco realized something.

"Uhh… Star.. That man that just tried to attack you called for someone named Hank to help him… Just like that other guy that tried to stab you..."

"Ya… That is weird… But it must be a coincidence!" Star said, trying to keep everyone calm.

"Hey that guy actually did attack meeeee~!" Ponyhead said, with tears in her eyes.

"Omg Pony, what did he do to you!? You're crying!" Star asked.

"You know I don't cry! I just got sand in my eyes!"

While the other two were helping Ponyhead get sand out of her eyes, Starfan13 decided to inspect the destroyed concession stand, but then found something strange.

"Hey guys, you might wanna see this."

The other three then walked up to Starfan13.

"Whats up?" Star asked.

"I found a picture… Of you~ and Marco."

Starfan13 then picked the picture up, and showed it to Star.

"What… Where did that come from?" Star asked, visibly scared.

"I saw that picture fall out of that crazy guys pocket when the Police Officer threw him into the Concession stand." A nearby employee answered.

"Oh no… Someone named Hank is after you Star! Those two guys that tried to attack you must have been his goons!" Marco said, trying not to hyperventilate.

"Oh no! We gotta get Star home, and fast!" Starfan13 exclaimed, as she started to comfort Star.

The four of them started to walk back to the house, as fast as they could.

Hank and Kahn were outside, watching the four from the bushes.

"Oh god, I'm so happy I got rid of that stinky outfit!" Kahn moaned in delight, but then noticed the four.

"Oh shit they're on the move!"

"Let's go!" Hank replied.

They followed the four, and listened to their conversation..

"I don't feel safe..." Star said.

"Don't worry girl we got yo back! Let's have a sleep oveeer gurl!" Pony suggested.

"Yeah a sleepover would be nice, then we'll be… close… to you!" Starfan13 creepily said.

"Yeah that does sound nice." Star agreed, smiling.

"Okay just wait, I gotta call my Mom and Dad" Marco said as he opened his phone.

Recording: "-*Child laughing *Bones breaking

Oskar: "AAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

Random voice: "HEY KID-

*FORCE END CALL!"

"Oops um sorry about thaat… Hello Mom? Yeah can..."

Kahn was sick of hearing them talk.

"Lets just get back to the park Hank. We now know that they are going to have a sleep over. So we now know what to plan for."

"Good point Kahn." Hank said, and then the two made their way back to the park.

"Alright now… what should our next course of action be?" Kahn asked, while eating some food that he took from the movie theater

Marco on the other hand had already had his plans figured out.

"Hey guys my parents said it'd be okay! As long as we don't go in their bedroom and open their drawers!" Marco happily said.

"YAY!" the girls shouted, happily.

They all walked their way into Marco's house… While Hank stared at them.

"So what plan have you thought up!?" Kahn asked, vexed.

"The plan is..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then there were two...


	5. Never send a Redneck...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuff happens.

"Man this is some good popcorn, you want some Staaaaaar~" Starfan13 asked, waving popcorn in Star's face.

"Oh sure! Thanks, you're the goat!" Star replied, as she nudged Starfan13's shoulder.

"Oh baby beat me moar!" Starfan13 orgasmed.

"What?" Star asked confused.

"What?" Starfan13 nervously replied.

"Anywaaay… Marco what are you doing?" Star asked, interested in the niggas shouting from Marco's laptop.

"I'm watching Worldstar. BITCH!"

"Marco noooo!" Jackie complained.

"Oh sorry! I've just been watching these… n i gg a s, for the past like 2 hours."

"Why would you do that when there's a bunch of girls around you?" Ponyhead taunted.

"Didn't you overhear what those nigga's said? They uploaded a video on to Worldstar! The one with the weirdo that was trying to attack Star is in it. I'm trying to find out if anyone else was involved." Marco explained, ignoring Ponyhead's signs of sexual desire.

"Marco, I know you mean well, but I doubt you are going to find anything in that video." Jackie said.

"BUUUT, I did find something, here have a look." Marco said, pointing at his laptop.

Everyone then gathered around to see what Marco had found.

"Now, look here at 1:24. In the background, you can see that old blind man standing next to the mascot. He looks worried." Marco explained.

"Well, maybe he just wanted to see what was going on, like everyone else." Ponyhead suggested.

"But that's the thing, he CAN'T SEE! Don't you remember when he told us that he was blind?"

"No, I wasn't even paying attention to that old man. I only looked at him because all of you were." Ponyhead bitched.

"And look here at 2:48, that old man is running out of the theater with the mascot when the cop showed up!"

"How's he doin' that? Freeaaaky..." Star asked.

"Don't you get it Star!? HE'S NOT BLIND! He lied to us! And gave me a dumb sob story!" Marco yelled.

"Marco calm down..." Jackie insisted.

"GO MAKE ME A SANDWICH BITCH! S!" Marco commanded as he smacked Jackie in the ass.

Jackie looked at Marco with that happy, wtf face, and walked off to make her man a sandwich.

"Oh no what did I do!? These damn niggas ruin everything! OH GOD, I didn't mean to say that! S! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH" Marco screamed, as he fell to the ground, twitching.

"Calm down Marco, what else did you learn from the video?" Star asked, trying her best to calm Marco down .

"Not much else, just maybe that old man is working for this guy named Hank we keep hearing about…" Marco weakly explained.

"Well that's enough investigation tonight, let's all just have a good time!" Marco expressed, pumped like blue balls!

"HEY HEY HEY HOLD UP! Let me watch the weird guy get his ass kicked!" Ponyhead pleaded.

"Okaaay~" Marco said, giving her the laptop. (JustSagan: "Although quite useless" Boonaw: "Ya, this bitch doesn't have any fucking hands")

Worldstar video: "*Screaming

Niggas: "Nigga nigga nighaa nigga!"

Camera nigga: "Yo look at this pony head crying like a little bitch on the ground!"

*Pony crying *zooms in waaaaaaay far

"

"I don't wanna watch this anymore." Ponyhead said, as she closed the laptop.

"Okay so now that you're done, we can finally GET THIS PARTY GOIN'! WOOOOO!" Marco exclaimed!

Everyone was getting pumped up and ready to party, but then suddenly Jackie walked in, holding a pimp sandwich.

"Oooh Marcooo I got you your sandwich, raawr!"

Marco's left eye began to twitch.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" Marco screamed, dropping to the ground, like a little limp dick.

"Get up and eat your food Marco." Jackie sighed.

Marco got up... He puts the sandwich in his mouth... He chews it, thoroughly... It's a mash of saliva and sandwich… He swallows… Just like your mom last night… Don't have a mom? Too bad loser.

"Holy shit that's a good sandwich! Jackie you're da best!" Marco extolled.

"Oooh maybe later you'll see what else I'm best at." Jackie winked.

"YES! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STAAARTEED~!" Marco exclaimed.

The party was just starting for the group of friends, and everything was looking good. However, what they didn't know was that two party crashers were on their way.

"Come on Hank, you to slow!" Kahn exhorted.

"Guah. Stop rushin' me! I'm tryin' to get this dang trench coat on!" Hank complained, trying to fix the buttons.

"Where did you even find such a horrible looking outfit? And why are you wearing it?"

"In the dumpster. It's amazin' h'what people throw out these days I'll tell ya h'what." Hank proudly said.

"Also, people saw me in the movie theater, I can't risk anyone recognizing me.'" Hank explained

"That's disgusting and stupid! You hillbillies are really at the bottom of the barrel! HA! Now get that filthy coat on fast! we need to hurry!"

"Now hold on I still gotta finish that movie theater food ya gave me… Um Kahn, how did you store the food anyways?"

"It doesn't matter! Just eat it!" Kahn commanded.

After eating, Hank and Kahn made there way to the backyard of Marco's house.

"Now we just gotta wait here for a bit until they all fall asleep, then snag the wand and make a break for it. Got it!?" Hank explained.

"No we're not gonna do that! Look what happened the last time we waited! Dale got beat silly! God you hillbillies are denser than rock! We're going to do this my way!"

"So what is your way?" Hank asked, vexed.

"I'm gonna go in, wait for a little while, then once they all go silent, I'mma go in and grab it! Besides they're teens, they're probably going to be drunk anyways! EASY GRAB!" Kahn explained

"Now wait a goddamn minute! Not only does your plan also involve waiting, but it's much more risky than mine!"

"Well ya, but it will also take a lot less time! You stupid Hillbilly!" Kahn said as he ran to the window.

Kahn was able to easily open the kitchen window, and started to climb into the house. However, his underwear got stuck on the window sill, and when he finally got inside, his underwear was ripped off.

"Oh no! My underwear! Now where am I gonna keep all of the food?!" Kahn cried out.

Hank was disgusted hearing this.

"Wait… That's where you kept the food?! OH GOD!"

Hank then vomited onto Kahn's underwear.

"No! Now there completely ruined! You ruin everything you stupid hillbilly!"

Hank was infuriated by this, and he finally snapped.

"That's it! I can't work with you any more! You're on your own!" Hank yelled, then he ran to the front yard, and hid in a bush.

Not only was Hank pissed, but he also knew that Kahn's plan was going to fail horribly. And Hank wanted no part in that.

"So that stupid hillbilly has left me… Well I don't need him! I can do this myself!"

Kahn then started to execute his plan, and decided to make himself at home while the teens tired themselves out partying… And party they did.

"Star we like need some drinks! I'M THIRSTY!" Ponyhead complained.

"Oh yeah, forgot about the drinks!" Star said, as she waved her wand.

"El wav-o drink-os!" she chanted.

A platter of drinks then appeared in her hands.

"Alright whos first-!" Star asked

"STAR LET ME PASS THEM OUT!" Starfan13 insisted, interrupting Star.

"Okay gurl! Have at it!"

Star then handed the platter of drinks to Starfan13.

"Alriiight so who wants a drink first!?" Starfan13 exclaimed with amazing enthusiasm!

"GURL I WANT ONE!" Ponyhead screamed, with her dry mouth.

"Oh okay! Whoooops!"

Starfan13 then "accidentally" spilled every single drink onto Star, coating her in sugary, sticky, liquids. (Boonaw: "Sounds like fanfiction")

"OH GOD STAR YOU'RE SOAKED AND STICKY DRINKS! YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE A SHOWER NOW!" Starfan13 creepily exclaimed, trying not to act like she did it on purpose.

"Oh dang, you're right Starfan! I'll be right back everyone!"

Star then made her way to the shower. A little while after the water could be heard, Starfan13 giggled, pulled a camera out of nowhere, and walked into the bathroom, unnoticed by anyone.

Meanwhile, Kahn was eating all the food that he could find in the fridge, when suddenly, he heard Star shout.

"Alright everyone! Don't party too hard without me while I'm taking a shower!"

After hearing this, Kahn had a new plan.

"So the magic girl is taking a shower… He he he, she is a sitting duck!" Kahn said to himself, as he started to make his way upstairs.

When he finally made his way upstairs, he decided to listen in on the others conversation, before he went after Star.

"Ok, ok dad, see ya soon." Marco said as he hung up his phone.

"Alright everyone, my parents are on their way home. Later we gotta make sure this place is cleaned before they get back."

Upon hearing this, Kahn got a little worried.

"Oh no, I gotta act quick before their parents get home!"

Kahn slowly opened the door, and was immediately hit by some bass boosted thug life Spongebob remixed music. It was amazing his eardrums didn't burst.

Kahn made his way into the the room where he noticed Marco, Ponyhead, and Jackie, sitting on Star's bed facing away from him and the bathroom. The music was so loud they didn't hear him cum I mean come in!

"These stupid kids! The musics so loud they'll go deaf before they're 60! DUMB KIDS!" Kahn thought to himself.

Kahn then snuck his way into the bathroom, and closed the door, he was freaked out by what he saw. Starfan13 was pointing a camera towards Star while she was in the shower, and her left hand was in her pants, moving around. Star didn't seem to even know anyone was in there with her.

"What the fuck!?" Kahn stupidly said out loud, alerting Starfan13.

"OH SHIT!" Starfan13 screamed quietly, but then she looked down at Kahn's "massive" micro penis.

"Oh I wish Star had one of those, except bigger!" Starfan13 said as she began to record Kahn's micro cock!

Kahn blushed, but it was no ordinary blush, it was a blush of anger, true rage!

"STOP RECORDING MY PENIS YOU STUPID LITTLE GIRL!" Kahn shouted, he then grabbed her and threw her into a wall! Kahn's grip was so strong that when he threw her, he accidentally ripped some of her clothes off. All this rage and violence made Kahn feel dominance for the first time in forever, it gave Kahn a micro boner.

"Oh shit I'm not a pedo!" Kahn thought to himself, trying to calm himself down.

Kahn then turned his attention back to Star, and started to walk up to her.

"Um is someone there? I heard a loud thud!" Star says as she turned the shower off and opened the curtains.

"I got yooou right where I waaaaant yooooou!" Kahn said, with grabby hands (the gesture).

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Star screeched.

Stars screech was so loud that Marco, Ponyhead, and Jackie could hear it.

"Shut up stupid girl! NOW TELL ME WHERE'S YOUR-"

"NOM!" Starfan13 screamed, as she bit Kahn's ball sack.

"AAAAAAAAHHH YOU STUPID GIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLLLLLLL!" Kahn yelled, as he yanked her head off of his ball sack.

Kahn then punched her to the ground, got on his knees and picked her up by her collar.

"YOU STUPID GIRL YOU FUCKED MY BALL SAC UP, NOW I FUCK YOU!" Kahn said, with no intention in having sex, he just meant beat up.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH" Starfan13 screamed.

"WHAT IS GOING ON!?" an unfamiliar voice shouted.

Kahn noticed the music was off, and had been for the last few moments.

*BANG *BANG *BANG!

A strong, beefy looking Mexican man broke down the door, and had stepped in.

"WHO ARE YOU!?" the strong man said.

"Dad! That's the crazy pantsless guy I was telling you about!" Marco pointed out.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?" shouted, but he didn't want to know after he noticed a camera on the ground, Starfan13's clothes were ripped off, and she was being held up by pantsless guy, Star was in the shower Naked and Afraid, and to top it all off, pantless guy had no underwear on, and had a "massive" raging micro boner.

"He said 'YOU STUPID GIRL YOU FUCKED MY BALL SACK UP, NOW I FUCK YOU!'" Jackie cited.

"YOU SICK BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU!? AAAHHH!" yelled as he beat the ever living shit out of Kahn!

The beating was going "normally" until got even angrier. He dragged Kahn out of the bathroom and to the stairs. He picked Kahn up.

"Oh pleeease don't do it, please I wasn't trying to rape them! She just happened to have her mouth on my ballsack!" Kahn pleaded, not knowing that he was making his situation worse.

"FUUUUCK YOOOU!" shouted as he threw Kahn down the stairs. Every stair he hit hurt.

then hurried to Kahn to give him even more of a beating. Kahn saw this and quickly got up and ran into the kitchen. He tried to climb through the window for freedom, but pulled him back in, and threw him to the ground.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!?"

"NOO NOOOO!"

started throwing punches, but somehow Kahn was able to dodge them, 's punches were breaking allot of ceramics…

Kahn then picked up a plate an glass cup, and busted them over 's head. , stopped moving.

"FINALLY I KILLED HIM!" Kahn shouted!

"Those… Those were my grandmothers FAVORITE DISHES!" screamed as he picked up Kahn and rammed him through a window near the front door.

Hank in the bush out front saw Kahn come through the window, Kahn was trying to get away. But picked him up by the shirt and threw him into the street.

"Oh god!" Hank quietly shouted.

Hank then made a run for it but made sure to stay close, to view Kahn.

"Marco, your dad's so cool!" Jackie remarked.

"Yeah I know that was awesome!" Marco agreed.

"Awesome? There's blood everywhere!" Ponyhead said.

"Wait where's Star and Starfan!?" Marco asked.

Marco, Ponyhead, and Jackie then ran to the bathroom.

"Ooooh noooo~" Kahn murmured on the ground, as he was losing consciousness.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" , yelled as he was about to kick Kahn, but then he stopped.

"No wait…. I have a better idea!"

dragged Kahn to the edge of the sidewalk, he opened Kahn's mouth and put his teeth on the curb. Hank watched in horror.

"Bwa! Not the curb stomp!" Hank panicked.

"NOW SAY GOODNIGHT!" shouted as he raised his leg.

Kahn began to cry, but luck was sorta on his side.

"HONEY NO! I CALLED THE POLICE! DON'T DO IT!" pleaded!

sighed, and put his leg down.

"Fine… You're lucky." said before kicking Kahn in the side of the ribs.

"w...why..." Kahn coughed in agony.

Just then, Hartman showed up, and he looked quite mad.

"I JUST GOT A CALL THAT A PEDOPHILE TRIED TO SEXUALLY ASSAULT TWO GIRLS!"

Hartman then looked at Kahn, and clenched his fist.

"SCUM LIKE YOU DESERVE A GOOD BEATING! HOWEVER I SEE YOU ALREADY GOT THAT! SO I'M JUST GONNA HOGTIE YOU! AND BRING YOU IN! I'M SURE THE OTHER PRISONERS ARE GONNA LOVE YOU!"

Hartman then hogtied Kahn, and started to drag him to prison. Kahn's dick, balls, and chest were the only things that were being dragged on the road.

"AHHHHHH! HANK HELP! HELP! AHHHHHHH!" Kahn cried out, while he was dragged into the night.

But in the echoes of silence you could hear:

"WE'RE GONNA SEE YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!"

Hank was absolutely terrified, and made a run for it when no one was looking. He started to run back to the Park, but then accidentally ran into Janna, who was holding a bunch of pizzas.

"AHH! You ruined all of my pizzas! Now what am I supposed to give my friends you jerk?! You better pay me for those!" Jenna yelled.

"I… I… I don't…" Hank tried and failed to speak.

"If you don't, I'm gonna cry for help, and you're gonna have a FUN time in prison!"

This scared Hank.

"BWAAAA! NOOOO! DON'T DO THAT!"

Hank then panicked, grabbed Jenna, and then started to choke her. While she was struggling, Hank accidentally ripped some of her cloths off.

After a few minutes, he managed to cut off her oxygen, and caused her to pass out. Hank looked down at the now passed out girl, and realized that she now looked like a rape victim.

"Oh god! Oh god! I didn't mean for any of this to happen! No! Im so sorry! BWAAA! I gotta get out of here!"

Hank was then about to run away, but then noticed all of the pizzas, and remembered how hungry he was.

"I'll just take one box, I gotta get something to eat!"

Hank then took the pizza box, and ran towards the park. When he finally got back to the Park, he ate ALL of the pizza, and then passed out.

Back at Marco's house, everyone was still trying to get everything under control.

"Star? Star? Are you okay!?" Marco and Ponyhead, asked.

"Uuuuh I don't know…."

"Starfan are you okay?" Star asked, paranoid.

"Worser things have happened, so yeah." Starfan13 replied.

"Star, with all that's happened are you gonna be okay? You don't look too good..." Jackie asked.

"I'm just going to go to bed..." Star said, as she got up, forgetting she was naked.

Everyone gasped and closed their eyes, except for Starfan13, who passed out from her loli body.

"GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!" Star yelled.

Later, while they all were lying on Star's bed.

"Hey um, pantsless guy called for a guy named Hank to help him, just like those other two..." Marco remembered.

"Yeah..." Star, Jackie, and Ponyhead sighed.

"But who is this Hank guy!? He keeps on causing you trouble Star! What's he after" Jackie exclaimed.

"I-I-I don't know..." Star cried.

"Star…." Starfan13 and Ponyhead sighed sadly.

After a few awkward moments of silence passed, Marco said something.

"I.. I think I finally know."

"Know what?" Star asked.

"I think I know who Hank is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, things are not looking good for our boys.


	6. AHHHH!!!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JustSagan: THERE WILL BE PAIN!!!!  
> Boonaw: SO MUCH PAIN!!!!

"AHHHHHHHHH! IT HURTS!" Kahn screamed, as he continued to be dragged across the dirt road.

"YOU SHUT UP YOU! YOU THINK THIS HURTS!? WAIT UNTIL WE FRISK YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!" Hartman shouted.

"Why you keep say that!? What is WAR butthole!?"

Hartman didn't answer. The only answer Kahn received was his genitals being dragged against the rough ground.

"...You wanna know the first time I got my war butthole purged?" Hartman asked, trying to repress the tears.

"What NO!? You crazy! I JUS- "

"WELL HOLD ON A SEC! I'LL TELL YOU IT WHEN I GET BACK I GOTTA PISS!" Hartman said, as he pulled over behind a tree.

"NOW YOU LISTEN HERE MOLESTER! YOU BETTER STAY HERE OR I'MMA FRISK YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE WITH BOTH OF MY HANDS GOT IT!?"

"WHAT IS WAR BUTTHOLE!?" Kahn shouted. Trying to get some answers.

Hartman then walked off into the woods somewhere to go take a war piss, leaving Kahn all alone... Or so he thought…

"Hey mister,, I was just wondering why you're tied up like that?" A talking baby deer asked.

Kahn was, of course, freaked out by this.

"GAAAHHH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?"

"I'm Baaambi~ and uh that rabbit in between your legs is Thumper!"

"What?" Kahn questioned, as he looked at the rabbit.

"Hey mister I'm trying to work on my self defense, can I use these small punching bags between your legs?" Thumper asked, nicely.

"What punching bag!?What are you ta- AHHHHHHHHHH!" Kahn cried in agony, as Thumper punched him in his balls.

"Wow mister you're the best!" Thumper said happily.

"Now watch this mister! DRAGON KIIIICK!" he shouted, as his foot hit Kahn's left nut with tremendous force!

"Aaaaaaaaaaah! Staaaaph!" Kahn cried.

"Wow mister, you're as nice as those other two humans that Hartman brought through here." Bambi commented.

"Yeah, and that one guy with the orange hat was havin' such a good time he couldn't stop screaming in joy!" Thumper added.

Bambi then noticed Kahn's butthole twitching.

"Wow mister, you have a secret hole just like those other two humans, I wonder if I could fit my hoof into yours!"

Bambi then forced his hoof into Kahn's war butthole, non consensually.

"AHHHHHHHH! STOP! PLEASE STOOOOOOOOOOOOP!" Kahn cried out.

Blood started to leak from his war butthole, but Bambi thought it was lubricant.

"Wow mister, Hartman was right! you humans all do have natural lubricant!" Bambi said excitedly as he hoofed Kahn's war butthole.

Then out of nowhere, Bambi's mom came walking up, shocked by what she saw.

"OH MY BAMBI, THUMPER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Bambi's mom gasped.

"Oh finally I'm saved!" Kahn said relieved.

"THIS IS THAT PEDOPHILE HARTMAN WAS TALKING ABOUT! GET AWAY FROM HIM!"

Bambi and Thumper then ran behind Bambi's mom, horrified.

"PEDOPHILE HUMAN, HOW DARE YOU TRY TO SOLICIT MY LITTLE CHILD AND HIS DARLING FRIEND!"

"WHAT!? THEY DID THIS TO ME! I'M NOT THE POPE!" Kahn argued!

Bambi's mom then walked up to Kahn and raised her hoof.

"I swear! I didn't mean for the rabbit to be so close to my nuts! He just went there, willingly!" Kahn reasoned, not realizing he once again made things worse for himself.

Bambi's mom gasped! She then let out a triggered autistic REEE~ and began to violently stomp out Kahn.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Kahn screamed!

...A few minutes of stumping later, Hartman came back.

"Hey hey hey calm down there now Bambi's mom (No seriously, that's her name),THIS ISN'T A ROCK CONCERT! I need that WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT-A! Alive." Hartman said trying to keep his composure.

"Ah yes, I am sorry Hartman… He was using Bambi and Thumper, for his own… Pl-pleasuuure..." Bambi's mom cried.

"WHAT DA FUQ!? THAT'S IT! I'M PURGING YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE RIGHT NOW, BUT FIRST YOU'RE GOING TO JAAAAAAIIIIILLLL!"

"Do what you want... nothing will hurt me now..." Kahn depressingly said, almost unconscious.

"Bambi's mom, listen… Take the kids far away from here, and don't look back. You don't wanna see what I'm going to do." Hartman warned.

"Okay kids you heard …let's go… Just come back home safe okay?"

"I will honey." Hartman replied as he pet her.

Bambi's mom, Bambi, and Thumper then disappeared into the woods. Hartman waited a little bit longer to act. Then suddenly Hartman violently pulled down his pants and manly boxers, and bent over in Kahn's face, revealing his war butthole to him. He then farted on Kahn's face.

"AH!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? *COUGH *COUGH" Kahn said, before choking on Hartman's sleepy time fart.

Kahn was now slump.

"Wow that was a wet one! Hmm, I guess I'll tell my war butthole story some other chap- I mean tiiiime..."

Hartman then pulled a magic, portal stopper, cooking whisk out of his ass, remarkably clean. A portal then opened up inside of Hartman's war butthole.

"VACCUUUME PULL!" Hartman screamed as he sucked Kahn into his war butthole portal!

"Welp... GUESS I'LL SEE HIM IN PRISON... HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to draw shipping fan art between Hartman and Bambi's mom… Also be sure to comment!


	7. WE'RE GONNA SEE YOUR WAR BUTTHOLES!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets see how Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn are doing in prison.   
> They might learn about friendship after all.

JustSagan: "I am proud to announce that after I started to upload my stories on Archive Of Your Own, we can finally afford the EPIC NARRATOR!"

Boonaw: "Bull shit! I call bullshit! You know how much it cost just to post those stories!?"

EPIC NARRATOR!: "Last time on Star vs The Forces of Arlen! Kahn was being dragged to prison! But Hartman had to take a piss, so he pulled over! While Kahn was all by himself, Bambi and Thumper walked up to him! Thumer then started to punch Kahn in the NUTS! And then Bambi stuck his hoof in toKahns ass… What the fuck? I'm not reading this anymore! Fuck this! You can keep the money!" *Leaves the garage.

Boonaw: "Fuck you, we don't need you anyways. Expensive ass!" *Realm shattering DAB!

JustSagan: "Well then… Let's just continue with the story."

…

After getting sucked into Hartman's war butthole, Kahn found himself lying on the ground, in a holding cell.

"Aaaah where am I? Why do I smell like shit?" Kahn asked, dazed.

As Kahn regained consciousness, he saw that he wasn't alone. There was a buff dragon furry giving him the eye, and the sex hand sign. This made Kahn very uncomfortable.

The dragon furry then started to walk towards Kahn slowly. Kahn of course tried his best to crawl away from the furry, but the sleepy time fart was still in his system. But as the furry dragon was about to mount him, Hartman barged in and stopped it.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? YOU'RE ALREADY ON DEATH ROW FOR 6 MILLION ACCOUNTS OF JEWISH RAPE! AND YOU TRIED TO RAPE AGAIN!? THAT'S IT I'M MOVIN' YOUR EXECUTION DATE TO RIGHT NOOOWW~!" Hartman yelled, furiously!

Hartman then ran over to the dragon furry and did one of his infamous techniques, the Hartman Headache Clap! Hartman put each of his hands on the opposite sides of the dragon furry's head, and CLAPPED, Obliterating it's head! Kahn looked shocked, but also relieved.

"Oh thank you so muuuch~!" Kahn praised!

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU PIECE OF SHIT! DON'T THINK I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR DOUBLE ATTEMPTED CHILD RAPE YOU SICK FUCK!" Hartman raged!

Hartman then violently yanked Kahn and threw him on a nearby table, nearly breaking it.

"OWOWOWOWW!" Kahn cried.

"SHUT! THE! FUCK! UUUUUPPPP! IT'S TIME FOR OFFICER RIGHTY AAAANNNNDD LEFTY TO FRISK YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!"

"NOOOOO!" Kahn pleaded.

Hartman then shoved both of his hands into Kahn's ruined war butthole, dry. Hartman searched deep, to find anything he could, but nothing was there!

"HUH NOTHIN' NOTHIN' AT ALL IN HERE! YOU'RE NOT LIKE JEFF BOOMHAUER! SHOVING KNIFE BELTS UP HIS ASS! I CUT MYSELF TO THAT PRICK!"

Hartman then pulled his hands out of Kahn's war butthole, they were all shitty and bloody.

"NASTY CUNT YOU RUINED MY FAVORITE HANDS! AAARRRRGH!"

Hartman then picked up Kahn, and slammed him through the table.

"AWWWOOOO…. My back was the only thing not ruined…" Kahn cried.

Hartman then dragged Kahn into the clothing room.

"GET DRESSED AND THEN GET THE HELL OUT!"

Kahn was way to beaten and weak to even be able to stand up. So Hartman had to stab him with a Hartman approved antidote syringe, and that was able to sorta heal Kahn.

"NOW GET DRESSED!"

Kahn then quickly got dressed, and was about to run out of the room, but then Hartman grabbed him AGAIN.

"YOU DON'T GET THE PLEASURE OF WALKING OUT OF THIS ROOM!"

Hartman then threw Kahn outside, into the prison's courtyard. When Kahn looked up after being thrown to the ground, he noticed that there were a lot of different people in the courtyard, some not even people. It was like a gay rainbow. But while looking through the crowd of prisoners, he noticed Dale and Boomhauer, and vise-versa.

The three grown men then skipped over to each other like gay princes, once up to each other they hugged, and cried.

"I've been through hell! I never thought I'd be happy to see you rednecks!" Kahn cried.

"Dango… Dango… Dangooo!" Boomhauer cried back.

"Guy's let's go find a bench and catch up!" Dale suggested.

The three men then walked to the most isolated bench they could possibly find.

"You won't believe the hell I've been through!" Kahn mopped.

"Did a baby deer and rabbit come and do unspeakable things to you?" Dale responded.

"WHAT!? How did you know!?"

"Dango same thing happened to us… But dango Dale got it worse than me..." Boomhauer explained.

"Yeah, I'm just happy the mother came and stopped the two of them." Dale added.

"WHAT!? SHE DIDN'T HELP ME AT ALL! SHE JUST BEAT ME!" Kahn complained.

"Damn, eeeyh Kahn got it dango worse than us!" Boomhauer exclaimed.

Then out of the blue the intercom came on.

"I'd like to inform the person living in Cell#R3469420 that your roommate 'BronyDaPonyRapist #47779' has hung himself and has died. I also would like to inform that this was not suicide, it was just a failed masterbation attempt. He was trying to reach that orgasm!" The announcer laughed.

All the prisoners in the courtyard also started to laugh at this, except for Dale who seemed quite worried.

"OH NO THAT WAS MY CELLMATE! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING~! NOW I'M GOING TO BE ASSIGNED A NEW CELLMATE!" Dale shouted, fearing his new roomie.

"Dale calm down. It's just a cellmate." Kahn said, bluntly.

"No! You don't understand! My old cellmate raped ponies, he only liked ponies! So I didn't have to worry about him raping me!"

"Dango….Rape..." Boomhauer whispered, as a tear fell from his eye.

Not even a minute after the first announcement was made, a second one came on.

"It is lunch time! I repeat it IS lunch time!" *BEEEEEP

Everyone then made their way into the cafeteria, some of the prisoners were eyeing the fresh meat, aka Kahn. Boomhauer, Dale, and Kahn like the others got into the lunch line to get their shitty prison food. Boomhauer and Dale stuck close to Kahn, really close, almost rape close.

"Hey! Hey! Why are you guys so close to me!?" Kahn complained.

"Dango shhh~! Be quiet! Dango Everyone here thinks you're a dango child molester!" Boomhauer whispered.

"What!? I didn't rape any child!"

"Ya, exactly, they THINK you tried to rape two children… And I thought I screwed up..." Dale said.

"But why so close to me!?" Kahn asked.

"You don't wanna dango end up like the dango last guy that was a dango child molester." Boomhauer stated, while pointing at Jared from Subway, hanging from the wall.

Jared had child molester carved into his chest, his throat was slit, and he had a boot shoved up his ass.

"YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT FOOTLONG!?" Some random prisoner yelled.

Quickly getting out of the lunch line, Boomhauer, Dale, and Kahn found a table in the back of the cafeteria where the "nicest" people were.

"Oh Boomhauer I was meaning to ask you why you looked so sad after Dale mentioned rape?" Kahn asked.

Boomhauer's eyes widened. And then he looked around to see if "She" was there.

"Da-dango TRAPS!" Boomhauer screamed, having a PTSD episode.

"What?" Kahn asked.

"D-dango, It all dango started a week and a half ago when I dango came to this prison..."

"What are you talking about? A week? that's not possible! You were with me, Hank and Dale a day ago!" Kahn said.

"Oh we forgot to tell you the time here is different. A week here is only a day back on the Earth we came from." Dale explained.

"Ooo~ great… So we're going to be stuck here for a long time… Boomhauer please continue your story, I have to get my mind off of this..."

"D-d-d-d-d-dango, I was in the dango cafeteria, when I dun there noticed, a dango pretty girl. I didn't know there were dango girls in this DANGO prison! Shower time comes on ahead and the dango GIRL there too! 'Dango this ma lucky day!' Dango accidently drop the dango soap! Bend over to dango pick it up dango. But the dango pretty girl comes behind me and yelles 'LEEEEETTT'S GEEEEEET ROOOOOIIIIGHT IINNTOOOOO THE WAAAAARRRR BUTTHOOOOLLEEE!' And dango shoves her dango DICK IN MA ASS!… *sobs. Dango wasn't a girl! IT WAS A DANGO TRAP! " Boomhauer started to cry even more.

Then like a recurring nightmare, the "girl" came up right behind Boomhauer and rubbed his pretty lil' neck. Boomhauer jerked away and stared at the trap, it had some things to say.

"HEY! FIRST IN THE NEWS, KILLERMEMESTAAAR aka me, slid into the guards DMs and asked them if I could be your cellmate Boomstick. Looks like we're gonna be cellmates from now on~!" KillerMemeStar informed.

KillerMemeStar then walked away, not telling Boomhauer the rest of the news. Boomhauer realizing the situation, began to cry even harder. And like a chain reaction some prisoners came up to Kahn, and decided to ask him a very important question... In the worst way possible.

One of the prisoners who was THICC as fuck, picked Kahn up by his collar and started to shout at him.

"Aye, we heard you like your lolis essay! Is this true!?" The THICC Mexican prisoner asked.

Kahn, who was not very educated on internet culture, thought that lolis just meant lollipops.

"Oh yes, I love lolis! I love to lick them, and make them wet with my saliva!" Kahn, like a dumbass, stupid, retard answered.

The prisoners were visibly angered by his response, the THICC Mexican prisoner clutched his collar even harder ripping it, his face also turned bloodshot red! Steam was pumping out of his ears and MASUCALS!

"YOU FUCKING WOT M8!?" One of the other prisoners yelled!

"What did I do wrong!?" Kahn asked, not knowing that he royally fucked up.

"YOU BASTARD! YOU FUCKING SICK PRICK!" The other prisoner yelled.

The THICC Mexican prisoner then slammed Kahn to the table so hard that cracks emitted from Kahn's body. But before Kahn could scream for help, the prisoners started to beat the shit out of him. Kahn started to flail around on top of the table, knocking all their food off. But Boomhauer didn't care because he was sad about the trap situation, and Dale was just too scared to help.

"AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGH!" Kahn screeched, hoping someone would help.

It was Kahn's lucky day though, a short little bunny, came running up and stopped the assault.

"HEY! STOP IT RIGHT NOW OR YOU'LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH HARTMAN!" the bunny commanded.

"But Judy, he raped 2 children! HE DESERVES THIS!" the THICC Mexican prisoner stated, as he raised his fist and was about to punch Kahn again.

"That's OFFICER Judy Hops to YOU! AND I SAID QUIT IT OR HARTMAN WILL HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU THREE!" Judy shouted, catching the attention of all of the prisoners.

Boomhauer, Dale, and Kahn all looked at Judy and all began to have a PTSD episode, and started foaming from their noses, while also muttering words, unclear to the human ear. The three prisoners then did as Judy Hops said, then they walked away.

"Alright, well are you boys okay?" Judy asked.

The three of them looked at her in fear, saying nothing. She found this very weird, and just walked off.

"I wanna fuck the bunny..." an edgy pre-teen prisoner said, at the end of the table.

A few moments later of static silence, the intercom came on.

"Uuuuum… OH! IT'S CELL TIME! GET TO YOUR CELLS RIGHT NOW! REMEMBER IF YOU ARE NOT IN YOUR CELLS THEN OFFICER JUDY HOPS WILL FUCK YOU WITH A STRAP-ON AND RUIN YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!"

The thought of being fucked by another animal similar to a rabbit, freaked them out.

"Ooooh yeeeeaaaah i want mY war butthole ruined by Judy" the edgy pre-teen moaned.

"Wait! I don't know where my cell is!" Kahn gasped.

"Just dango look in your dango shirt pocket. Dango should be in there." Boomhauer informed.

Kahn then looked in his shirt pocket, and took out a paper card with his room number. It read Cell#U3469421.

"What the fuck!? Where the hell is this!?" Kahn answered, showing Boomhauer and Dale the card.

"Oh! Kahn that's right next to mine! Just follow us! Boomhauer's is also next to mine!" Dale exclaimed.

"Dango Cell#R3469419." Boomhauer said, stating his room number.

Boomhauer, Dale, and Kahn then made their way through the human cesspool, to their cells.

"Well… Good luck everyone… See you during freetime." Dale sadly remarked.

Boomhauer, Dale, and Kahn then walked into their cells.

Kahn then saw Judy waiting for him on the bottom bunk bed, with the weird edgy kid on the top beating his meat so hard it sounded like books hitting the ground, this didn't bother Judy.

"Um…. Hi." Kahn said nervously.

"You know what we do to child molesters here right?" Judy asked, as she pulled out her ridiculously long strap-on.

"OOOO! WHAT DO YOU DO JUDY!? WHAT DO YOU DOOOOOOOOO~!?" The horny fucking teen chanted.

"SHUT IT YOU DEPRAVED, TINY DICK, LOSER!" Judy commanded.

That just made the teen hornier, he liked a demanding animal, but he did shut up, however the fap noises did not.

"Now your war butthole is about to have a bad time..." Judy stated as she winked, with the strap on attached to her body.

She then pounced towards Kahn.

"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~" Kahn screamed.

...Meanwhile in Dales cell…

"OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~" echoed through the cells, followed by muffled yells, and meat smacking sounds. This only made Dale fear his cellmate more. He secluded himself in a corner, rocking back and forth while biting his thumb.

"Oh no! My cellmate is gonna rape me!" Dale shouted.

But what Dale didn't know was that his cellmate was actually Steve Urkle, and was also already in the cell with him. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUNNN~!

"Dale what's wrong?" Urkle asked, concerned for his well being.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME! I KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!"

"You know what I want? We aren't even dating yet!"

[Laugh Track]

"AAHH! THE VOICES ARE LAUGHING AT ME! STOP LAUGHING AT MEEE!" Dale screamed.

"They aren't laughing at you! They're laughing with you!"

[Laugh Track]

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dale yelled, as he began to bash his head on the wall. Also, Kahn's screams were not helping the situation.

"Dale calm down! Here, I have some sleepy time tea for us! It'll calm you down. Calm is good! It'll help you calm down!"

[Laugh Track]

"AAAAHHH! YOU ROOFIED THESE! I CAN SMELL IT! I CAN HEAR IIIIITT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"

...Meanwhile in Boomhauer's cell…

Boomhauer was having a very hard time getting some rest, the screams from Kahn and Dale, with the added fap noises and buttfucking noises really gave him anxiety, especially because he was now sharing a cell with KillerMemeStar.

KillerMemeStar was making a rant on Twitter, about why traps are not gay and that anyone who thinks so should be mutilated! After his rant was done he sat on his bed and stared at Boomhauer from across the room. This made Boomhauer very nervous, he tried his best not to look at him, but his beautiful body, and "face" made Boomhauer want to look.

"Hey Boomstick… Wanna get roight into the news?" KillerMemeStar asked, in that sexy play time tone.

"Dango~... Nope. Dango~... Not dango uugeeh feelin' it, maybe someday..."

"Oh that's a shame because I was really hoping to get some news in for TrapAlert. But you know what they say, if you can't get news… MAKE IT!"

Memestar then pulled down his skirt revealing his hard dick! Boomhauer got up, shocked.

"Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way, the choice is yours..." KillerMemeStar proposed.

Boomhauer was so shocked he couldn't speak.

"Oh looks like WE'RE GETTING ROOOOOOIIIIGHT INTO THE NEWS!" KillerMemeStar yelled as he shoved his dick inside of Boomhauer.

"DANGO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

…

1 hour and 30 minutes later, the free time bell came on along with an announcement.

"EVERYONE EXCEPT FOR CELLS #R3469420, #U3469421, #O3469419, and #O42314152 CAN HAVE FREE TIME!" Hartman yelled.

After a few minutes, the hallways were clear of any prisoners, and Hartman made his way to Kahn's cell. As he was about to open it, Judy came walking out, flaunting her massive long strap-on covered in fecal matter. Hartman took a good look in the cell, and saw Kahn bent over, half on his bed, half on the floor. He saw shit all over the ground and some on the walls. The top bunk where the edgy teen was lying was covered in sperm, and some of it was leaking from the bottom of his bed, dripping onto Kahn's head.

"WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU TWO!? GET UP NOW!" Hartman furiously yelled!

Kahn and edgy teen who we'll call Bunnylover, got up and came out of their cell. Hartman then got the others and brought them into the interrogation room. The interrogation room looked very calming, smelled nice, and felt nice, since it had air conditioning.

Hartman then went to the podium in the room, and started saying some gay shit.

"I'D LIKE TO MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT! OH WAIT! I AM MAKIN' AN ANNOUNCEMENT! BUT FIRST! I'MMA GO TAKE A HUUUUUUGE ASS SHIT! BRB!"

Hartman then quickly ran to the bathroom, leaving the prisoners to discuss among themselves.

"So ummm… What are you in for?" Dale asked Johnny, from The Room (The Movie).

"I did not hit her, it is not true! IT IS BULL SHIT! I did noooooot~!"

"I would have hit her… Stupid women!" Gay Greg (JustSagan: For more information on this character, go read my other fanfic, Gay Greg) angrily/gayly pouted.

"See and that's why you're in jail, idiot!" Kahn condemned.

"No… I'm actually in jail because I tried to turn Tyrone, the Watermelon King gay. But he was much stronger than I thought, and he beat my ass… And not in the good way… And you have no room to talk, you tried to rape two children!" Gay Greg explained.

"I DIDN'T TRY TO RAPE ANYONE!"

"Yeah you didn't try, you actually DID IT!" Urkle commented.

[Laugh Track]

"No one asked me why I'm here!" KillerMemeStar quibbled.

"Because nobody cares!" Dale, Kahn, and Gay Greg shouted.

"WHY AM I STILL, GETTING, HATE!? All I did was decieve a few horny gamers into doing lewd things to me! I made them do a few sexual acts on me before I interviewed them, so what!? I think a "girl" with a dick is pretty hot!"

"D-dango you're a dango psycho!" Boomhauer yell.

"Psycho? Me a Psycho? At least I didn't try and attack a little girl!" KillerMemeStar pointed out.

"...Dango, what are you in here for Urkle?" Boomhauer asked, trying to change the subject.

"Laugh track abuse… Its fuuuuunny!"

[Laugh Track]

Kahn was about to get mad about the laugh track, but then remembered his weird teen cellmate.

"Hey weird teen, what did you do to end up here?"

BunnyLover smiled.

"I always wanted to fuck Judy, but I could never find her. So I started to fuck random bunnies and-"

"OK! I dont need to hear anymore…" Kahn said, sick of hearing about bunnies.

"But I just wanna go psycho on Judy!"

"YOU'RE NOT GOING PSYCHO ON ANYONE!" Hartman yelled as he ran out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck on his butt, which gave them all a chuckle.

"Oh, hi Hartman." Johnny greeted.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP! AND STOP GIGGLIN' BASTARDS!"

The room fell silent… Hartman spoke again.

"NOW LISTEN HERE I'M GOING TO GO THROUGH ALL OF YOUR CASES TODAY!"

"Oh great now we gonna have to wait a long time~" Kahn sighed.

"WHAT DID I SAY!? NO TALKIN'!"

Kahn then shut his whore mouth, I mean normal mouth.

"NOW SINCE YOU LIKE TO TALK SO MUCH! I'M GONNA HAVE YOU, JEFF BOOMHAUER, AND DALE GRIBBLE'S CASE GO FIRST!"

The three of them sighed, knowing that it wasn't going to end well for them.

"NOW I'LL ASK YOU THIS ONE TIME! WHO! IS! HAAAAANNNNKKK!?"

The three of them sat there in silence. They knew that Hank was their only hope to get out, so they didn't want to rat him out.

"NOT TALKING!? WELL DONT WORRY! I HAVE WAYS OF MAKING YOU THREE TALK!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey thank you all for reading this long ass chapter! Be sure to leave a review, and have a nice day!


	8. My Master Prank, Hahaha!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Hank do now?

News Reporter 1: "Breaking news in Echo Creek! Local girl, who will remain anonymous, has been the victim of assault and attempted rape! And it all has been done by a man that goes by the name Hank. Now this is just crazy! Let's go to Carce for more on the subject."

News Reporter 2: "Thank you Scarce. That's right, this girl has been the victim of some horrible stuff the last few days. The man named Hank was not working alone. Fortunately, his three accomplices have been arrested. There names are Jeff Boomhaur, Dale Gribble, and Kahn Sou… I'm not reading that. Anyway, Jeff and Dale were responsible for the two separate assaults, while Kahn tried to rape her AND her friend, in her own house. Back to you Scarce."

News Reporter 1: "Thank you Carce! Now this isn't over yet, the man named Hank still hasn't been caught, and we believe that he is even more dangerous by himself! A girl who will remain unnamed was found knocked out in the street, with her clothes all torn up, and one of her pizzas stolen. We believe Hank had tried to rape her, and took one of her pizzas so that it could give him rape powers. Just absolutely DISGUSTING! LIKE THIS GUY NEEDS TO FUCKING-"

News Reporter 2: "Scarce, calm down... we're on a livestream!"

News Reporter 1: "NO FUCK THIS! THIS MAN NEEDS TO BE STOPPED!" He then flipped over his desk and chair. He then threw his poop emoji coffee mug at the camera, ending the livestream.

After that shit happened, Marco closed his laptop, and discussed with everyone about what they should do about Hank.

"So we know that Hank is just as dangerous without his three lackeys… And very tricky too!" Marco explained, while glancing at a scared Janna.

"Keep lookin' at me and I'll knock your block off!" Jenna snapped.

"Woooah-ho-ho! Calm down, calm down..."

Marco then glanced at Star, who looked like she was having the worst day of her existence.

"Hey Star… You okay?"

"Ya… I just wish I knew what they wanted with me… Maybe I could end this all…" Star wondered.

"NO! What they must want with you is horrible and unspeakable… Think about it Star… This man is smart and dangerous, he wouldn't just attack you for no reason… Hank is probably out there thinking of a new plan as we speak." Marco said, while looking out the window.  
But in reality, Hank was sleeping on a pizza box, looking like a homeless man, while having a horrible nightmare.

He was walking through a prison, and heard Dale, Boomhaur, and Kahn screaming in the prison showers. When he ran there to help them, he saw that they were being raped by charcoal. Hank was about to help them, but then felt a very rough hand on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw a very large piece of charcoal, with a very large dick.

"BWAAAAA!" Hank screamed, waking up from his horrible nightmare.

He then looked around to make sure no one heard him scream. Fortunately for him, the park seemed empty. Hank's stomach started to growl. He checked the pizza box to see if there was any pizza left, but his fat ass had eaten it all the night before.

"Oh god! I gotta go get some food!"

Hank then noticed, it wasn't his stomach growling, it was his butthole growling!

" Oh god I really have to take a shit!" Hank grunted, trying to suppress the large turd coming out of his butt. But to no avail, the turd was winning.

Hank pulled down his pants and squatted over the pizza box and was about to let it slide out, all over that pizza box's DMs, but then a school bus full of children pulled up.

The children saw Hank, but he did not see them, he was too focused on shitting. The kids pulled out their IPhones (the most recent model), and started taking pictures of Hank. One of the dumbass kids, forgot to turn their flash off. Hank noticed this and began to panic.

"BWAAA! AAAAAAAH! I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!"

He then picked up the pizza box full of shit, and ran as fast as he could away from the park, eventually making his way downtown, walkin' fast into the closest alley near him.

Hank then sat on one of the beaten up broken metal trash can, which for some reason had cookies surrounding it.

"H'why the hell am I still holdin' this pizza box?" Hank questioned, aloud.

"Wait did you say pizza box!? Man that pizza box looks pretty good!" a random little kid voice said.

Hank's head shot up, and a small boy walking with his bike began walking towards Hank. Hank sat there thinking, "This might not be good.".

"Gimme that pizza box!" the boy commanded.

The boy then swiped the box from Hank, and started inspecting it.

"Hmm… This pizza box is in quite good shape. Let's have a look inside… It appears to be full of shit. This will come in handy!"

Hank was very confused, and kinda disturbed by this, and wanted to stop the kid, but didn't because he noticed something strange about the kid.

"You don't look like anyone from here… You look normal." Hank commented.

"Ya, you also look normal… Unlike all these weird people with their large eyes." The kid replied.

Hank then realized that not only was this kid from his Earth, but he was also from Arlen… And then Hank recognized the bike, and realized who this kid was.

"Wait I know you, you're that kid that got sucked into Bills ass!"

"Ya… Turns out that guys ass was a portal here… And I have no way of getting back." The kid mopped.

Hank felt kinda bad for the kid, but he knew how to cheer him up.

"Don't worry kid, I know how we can get home. This lizard man named Toffee told me that if we… I... could take a wand from this girl named Star Butterfly, then he could use it to teleport me back to Arlen… But now I gotta use it to rescue my friends and neighbor before going back."

"I'd do anything to get back home… Anyways, what does this girl look like? Is she pretty!? Is she FUCKABLE!?" the boy creepily asked, while getting a hard on.

"Bwa! I can't answer that!" Hank expressed, thinking about Kahn.

"Well mister, can you at least tell me what she looks like? We don't have all day! I miss my mom!"

"She has blonde hair, hearts on her cheeks, also umm… She wears horns on her head… And she kinda dresses funny." Hank explained.

"Wait… Did you say, hearts on her cheeks? Oooh cheeks… Anyways! Blonde hair? Horns… Does she also have blue eyes!?" The boy asked, excitedly.

"Now that ya mention it… Ya she actually does."

The boy then took out a phone from his pocket and showed Hank some pictures of Star and Oskar hanging out together.

"Hey that's her! Wait, how'd you get that photo anyway?" Hank asked.

"Oh, took this phone from some guy I killed. Apparently his name was Oskar."

Hank was quite shocked to hear this.

"Bwaaa! You killed someone!? Bwaaa!"

"Hey mister, it was in self defense! He told me that he was going to whoop my ass after I fell onto his car! Wasn't my fault the portal happened to send me to that specific spot!" The Kid angrily explained.

Hank calmed himself down a bit, but then realized that what the kid just told him sounded very familiar.

"Wait… Yesterday while me and two of my friends were tailing Star and her friends, one of them pulled his phone out, and played a recording of some kid killing Oskar… That was you wasn't it?"

"Yep… That was me alright! But enough about that. Are you telling me that Star and Oskar are… were... friends? Ha ha ha, I finally have a use for this!"

The kid then went behind a nearby dumpster, and pulled a wet paper bag out. He then pulled Oskars head out of the bag, freaking Hank out.

"BWAAA! What the hell kid!?"

"What? Never seen a decapitated head before?" The kid replied.

"Gaaauh… You know what kid, we need to get home, so let's think of a plan to get that wand from her."

"Right… Right… First things first, you're probably going to want some weapons if you're going to take her on again. But the problem is, we don't have money. But I know ways to get money!" the boy said while pointing at a Dollar Tree across the street.

Hank then saw Star, Marco, and the others hanging outside of the Dollar Tree.

"God dammit! Hey kid! You see those kids over there? That's them." Hank whispered.

The kid then put a WICKED smile on his face.

"...Ha ha ha… You know… I was going to use this shitty pizza box for something else. But now I think I have a better use for it."

"Um… h'what?"

The boy then got up with the pizza box, and said something before executing his plan.

"Don't worry about it, just be ready to run when I tell! And btw the names Sid!"

Sid then ran off towards Star and her gang, not even checking both sides of the street before crossing! Sid then opened the pizza box revealing the shit! Nobody except for Jackie was paying attention.

"UGH WHAT THE HELL!" Jackie screamed, disgusted. Obviously.

Since she was the first one to notice, Sid decided to pie her in the face! After shit pieing her in the face, Marco started to chase Sid. Sid started to chant:

"BOONK GANG WHOLE LOTTA GANG SHIT!"

While that was happening the others were trying to comfort Jackie but she was freaking the fuck out!

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Jackie like an autistic kid screamed.

"Jackie calm the fuck down!" Pony Head shouted.

"DON'T TOUCH ME WHORE! I WANT MARCO!" Jackie hissed, forgetting that Pony Head doesn't have appendages.

Marco still chasing after Sid, then noticed how bad Jackie was doing. Marco went up to her, and tried his best to comfort her, but he didn't expect what was going to happen next!

"OH MARCO~!" Jackie praised as she hugged him, getting the shit all over his face, and beautiful sweater!

Marco pushed Jackie away.

"JACKIE!" Marco shouted, trying not to sound salty.

"Oh sorry Marco! I'm just just just!"

"Calm down! Listen we need to get home! I'LL GET YOU KID!" Marco threatened.

Sid just stuck out his tongue and flipped them off while they walked away.

"Man.. That kid sure did look weeeiiiird..." Star stated.

"Yeah, almost like Haaaaa-" Starfan13 caught herself before she fully said Hank.

"LET'S not worry about that right now please, let's just get home..." Marco said, defeatedly.

As they walked off into the distance, the kid signaled Hank. Hank came running across the street like Usain Bolt! They then made their way into the Dollar Tree.

"HEY YOU'RE THAT KID THAT SHIT PIED THAT PRETTY LITTLE GIRL!" the cashier said furiously, in a kinda high pitched whiny tone.

"Oh shit! Mister this didn't go so smoothly…" Sid said as he pulled a rusty knife out of his pocket.

"IS THAT A KNIFE!?" The cashier angrily yelled.

"Oh sorry sir my kid is just a little special… Uuuh if you know what I mean..." Hank informed.

"Now put that god dang knife away!" Hank whispered to Sid.

"I AIN'T SPECAL! HYAAAAH!" Sid yelled as he threw the rusty knife into the cashier's shoulder!

"AAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!" The cashier screamed.

"Mister! I need you to deal with him, and take the money out of the register while I go steal some shit!"

"Bwaa! Godamnit! This kids retarded!" Hank thought to himself.

Hank walked up to the cash register and opened it, taking some of the money from it. The cashier noticed this, and pulled a gun from under the desk, and pointed the gun at Hank's head. Hank was WOKE!

"I-I-I DON'T WANNA DO THIS SIR! JUST P-P-PUT THE MONEY BACK AND I'LL LET YOU G-G-G-G-G-GOOOOO~!" The Cashier cried, while his voice started to crack.

Hank didn't know what to do, so he didn't do anything. The kid saw what a shit situation Hank was in and came to his aid!

"PUT THE FUCKING MONEEY BACK! OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKIN' BRAIN OUT!" The cashier threatened.

Hank was silent, and stiff.

"PUT IT FUCKING BAAAAAAAAC-!"

*TINK*

The cashier was then struck in the head with a can that Sid had thrown! Cashier SLUMP! Hank then took all the money as fast as possible. Sid picked up the cashier's gun and they made a run for it. As soon as they ran out of the store, the alarm went off.

"BWAAAAAAA!" Hank panicked.

Hank and Sid had no time to hide, it was a one shot go!

"Mister CALM DOWN! Listen! This here is a one shot go type of situation! We need to get to the weapons shop! Good thing it's only a block away!" Sid explained.

Hank calmed down. They made their way to the weapons shop, they tried to act as normal as possible. Hank and Sid walked in. The arms dealer was some fat, redneck, hillbilly.

"Dee dee deeeer! How caaaan I heeeellp yall!?" The Cashier asked.

"Um we'd like two AK-47's a couple of bomb straps, bombs included. Also we need two P250s, and two bullet proof vests. Maybe a rocket launcher. OH! And two combat machetes" Hank listed.

"OH OH! And a anti-magic barrier!" Sid added.

"De-de-de DER! I tell ya what kid! Anti Magic berryas dun't exist! But I can sell ya 2 anti-magic vests!"

"Oh good!" Hank said, happily!

"DE DER DE DER! I'm gon' have to see sum ID before' I sell ya this stuff!"

Hank and Sid then looked at each other.

Five Minutes Later…

Hank and Sid then walked out of the burning weapons shop with all the weapons and equipment they needed, and some.

"See mister? I told ya that we would get what we needed!" Sid proudly said.

"Ya… Just don't think we needed to kill the owner, and burn the place down…"

"Well, ya gotta do what ya gotta do." Sid replied.

"Ya I guess… let's just head back to the park then."

"Why? We still have the money that we didn't use, why don't we just rent a motel room or something?" Sid suggested.

"Because this all ends tonight Sid! I'm sick of being in this place! We are gonna get that wand, rescue my friends, and get back home!"

The two then were about to walk back to the park, but then Sid had another suggestion.

"Hey mister, why don't we atleast buy some burgers or something. I know you also want some real food."

Hank was going to disagree, but the hunger in his stomach agreed with Sid.

"Alright Sid, we can go grab some burgers, but we gotta be quick! We don't wanna risk anyone recognizing us."

The two then went and grabbed some burgers, went back to the park, and ate them. It was about 7:00 pm, and the two were preparing for their attack. Under Hank's trench coat, was an arsenal of weapons, and gadgets, and an anti magic vest on.

"So uh, h'what were you planning' to do with that head anyways?" Hank asked.

"OOOH! Thanks for reminding me! I'm gonna prank 'em!"

"Yeah? How so?"

"Just you watch! Anyways, where do those guys live?."

"Follow me. We're gettin' out of here kid!"

Hank and Sid, then walked up to Marco's house. They checked the windows, nobody was in the living room or kitchen. Sid took out Oskar's head from that crusty ass bag. He put a sticky note on it then placed it on their doorstep.

"H'what now?" Hank asked.

"Mister I need you to go to the right side of the house!"

Hank did as Sid said. Sid started to giggle, he then knocked on the door really hard and rang the doorbell 6 times. He then ran over towards Hank.

After a moment or two, Star, Marco, Marco's Dad, Jackie, Starfan13, Jenna, and Pony Head came to the door. Star opened it and all of the girls except Starfan13 and Pony Head let out a ear piercing scream, (Boonaw & JustSagan: "It even gave our ears a period!") as they saw Oskar's decapitated head. Marco smiled, but hid it because he saw how upset the girls were… Star got on her knees and started to cry, covering her eyes. Jackie started to hyperventilate, Jenna just looked shocked.

"What's wrong with this? I'm always like that." Pony Head asked.

No one answered, it wasn't time to be making jokes.

Marco then read the sticky note aloud.

"With love, from Hank… P.S. Im cumming for that ass, you know who im talking about!"

Jenna then started to shake and shout "OMG" over and over, stopped working. She then passed out and landed between Starfan13's boobs.

"Ooooh I like this..." Starfan13 thought to herself.

"Don't worry I'm calling the cops!" Marco's Dad shouted.

Marco's Mom then walked down the stairs to see what all the commotion was about.

"What's going on!? I heard screaming!" Marco's Mom asked, fearing for the worst.

"I'M CALLING THE POLICE!" Marco's Dad responded, while moving around in circles.

Marco's Mom then saw Oskar's head, and fainted.

Starfan13 then sat Jenna up in a chair, facing the kitchen. A few moments later of tears, and panic, the cops showed up. They only sent 1 squad car to investigate. The cops came up to the door, and tried their best to calm everyone down, but it wasn't working, so one of the officer's took the head and placed it in a plastic bag. He then went into the car, while the other officer started asking questions.

"Listen here, I need some details on this man… Like what does he look like?"

Star couldn't speak, she was too stressed.

"Oh hold on!" Marco insisted.

Marco then went to go grab his laptop, he came back and opened up the WorldStar video, those niggas recorded 4 chapters ago.

"Um Sir, can you please tell your special ED child not to open up WorldStar videos?" The officer requested.

"I'M NOT SPECIAL! JUST LOOK AT THE VIDEO! SEE THAT MAN IN THE BACKGROUND!?" Marco angrily showed him.

As Marco and the Officer were arguing about pixels, Hank and Sid thought it was the perfect time to execute the real plan.

"Hey mister, I'll cover your back. You just go get that girl." Sid said, trying to sound manly.

"Alright, I'm countin' on you."

Hank made his way to the back yard, to the kitchen window, where he saw Kahn's underwear covered in vomit.

"Ugh..." Hank sighed.

Hank then climbed through the window quietly, and was stunned when he saw Jenna staring at him. Jenna started to hyperventilate, Hank started making hushing gestures, but it was no use, Jenna finally spoke.

"I-I-I-IT'S HIM! HE'S HERE!"

"Oh god!" Hank gulped.

"SO YOU ARE HANK HUH!? FUCK YOU!" Marco's Dad screamed as he charged at Hank.

Hank's old man body was to stiff at the time for him to move. Marco's Dad collided with Hank, sending him flying through the kitchen window! Glass was everywhere. Marco's Dad stepped out side. Hank hastily got up, kinda dazed.

"YOU FUCKED WITH WRONG FAMILY ESSAY!" Marco's Dad shouted with PURE anger!

The Officer came rushing out.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! LEAVE THIS TO ME!"

Then out of nowhere the officer got 360 AK'd in the head!

"THAT MAKES TWO!" Sid announced!

Marco came running out, horrified by what he saw, especially because there was blood everywhere. Marco looked at Hank and then Sid.

"Hey you're that kid that shit pied my girlfriend in the face! I knew you were working with Hank! You two look so fucking weird!" Marco shouted, peeved.

Sid then pointed his gun at Marco, Marco like a pussy put his hands up, basically waving the white flag. Marco's Dad was not happy about this. Marco's Dad with all his rage bolted towards Sid, and punched him through the fence, into the neighbor's backyard. Marco's Dad rushed over to Sid and took his AK-47, and snapped it in half with his knee. Just as Marco's Dad was about to finish off Sid, Marco yelled.

"D-DAAAAAD HANK'S GOT A FREAKIN' ROCKET LAUNCHEEEER!"

Marco's Dad of course rushed over! Hank in fact was holding a freakin' rocket launcher.

"I-I'LL DO IT! BWAA!" Hank warned.

"YOU'RE BLUFFING! JUST GIVE UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT, AND ATONE FOR YOUR SINS!" Marco's dad argued.

Hank was still holding it, and didn't look like he wanted to give up. This pissed Marco's Dad off. He started to speed walk towards Hank. In a panic, Hank accidentally pulled the trigger which sent a rocket towards the kitchen ceiling, nearly directly hitting Marco. Before the rocket hit the ceiling, Star put magic force fields around everyone inside.

The rocket hit the ceiling instantly blowing up, destroying most of the house and creating a shockwave that sent Marco, Marco's Dad, Hank, Sid, and the officer's dead body flying into the woods. The shockwave also destroyed Stars shields and knocked everyone except for her out.

Sid found his way to Hank and helped him up.

"Th-Thanks Sid!" Hank thanked.

"NO PROBLEM MISTER BUT WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! LET'S GO DEEPER INTO THE WOODS!" Sid proposed.

They then ran deeper into the woods.

Star came rushing out. The fence was wrecked, and the grass was burned. She then ran a little ways into the woods, and saw Marco and his Dad struggling to get up.

"MARCO!" Star yelled as she came up to them.

"S-Star!" Marco yelled as he was about to hug her.

"NO! NO HUGGING! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!" Marco's Dad informed!

"Where did they go anyways!?" Star asked.

"They went deeper into the woods, that way!" Marco pointed.

The three then ran as fast as they could. They eventually made it into the middle of an opening in the woods, where they saw Hank and Sid, about Halfway into the opening. Star and Marco started to scream at them, stopping Hank and Sid in their tracks. Hank and Sid turned to face Star and the others. Star, Marco, and Marco's Dad were getting much closer to them. Hank pulled out his AK-47 and spoke.

"Well Sid… I guess we're not getting out of this without a fight."

...

Hey Nibba's you better leave a sexy ass review - Love Boonaw :3

Ya, reviews = happiness! - JustSagan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS THE FINAL COUNT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	9. Star Gang vs the Forces of Arlen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DA BATTLE!!!

**EPIC NARRATOR:** “ _ L-l-last t-time... _ ”

**Boonaw:** “ _ Speak up pussy! _ ”

**EPIC NARRATOR:** “ _ J-just put the gun down! _ ”

**Boonaw:** _“DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! JUST RECAP AND NOBODY GETS HURT!!!”_

***SLAP**

**JustSagan:** “ _ Ya! Oh and just so you know, I grew up in a farmer town, so I KNOW how to use this gun! _ ”

**EPIC NARRATOR:** _“OKAY! OKAY! Last time o-o-o-on STAR…. You know what… I-I CAN’T DO THIS! I CA-”_

***BANG**

**JustSagan:** _ “OH SHIT! Boonaw, why did you put real bullets in this!?” _

**Boonaw:** _“I wanted to make it more realistic! I didn’t think you’d pull the trigger! THIS IS FUCKED!”_

**JustSagan:** _ “Umm… Hey everyone! This was all part of an act! Isn't that right EPIC NARRATOR?” _

***Holds up EPIC NARRATORS dead body**

**JustSagan pretending to be the EPIC NARRATOR:** “T _ hat right everybody! Now enjoy the new chapter, and be sure to review this! _ ” 

…

Star, Marco, and his Dad were running towards Hank ready to pounce on him, but then they saw that he had an AK-47 with an extended clip, and stopped nearly 5 feet in front of him.

Hank sat there, twitching, doing absolutely nothing, Star, Marco, and his Dad, knew this was the perfect opportunity to strike, especially since his gun was lowered. Marco ran towards Hank and kicked his glasses off, blinding him! Sid then ran up on Marco and punched the shit out of him! Marco was SHOOK! Sid then turned his attention to Hank. 

“ _ MISTER! SNAP OUT OF IT! MISTER~! _ ” Sid pleaded.

But Hank was not in a good place, he was having a PTSD stroke. The strongest form of PTSD possible. He was remembering all the times his dad tried teaching him to shoot. He remembered how much it would hurt when the  recoil of the gun would bruise his shoulder, and how much it would hurt when his dad would yell at him about his terrible aim, both on the field, and in the bathroom.

Hank began to piss his pants and let out a mighty...

“ _ BWAAAAAAAAAA~ BWAAAAAAAAA~ BWAAAAAAAAAA~ _ ”

Hank then lifted his gun and began to shoot! His recoil was like no other, it was so bad that CS:GO seemed pretty playable! Luckily or not (depends on who’s side you’re on), when Hank started to shoot he missed all of the shots at them, giving Star enough time to summon a magic force field which was bullet proof. Eventually four bullets got lodged into the force field, cracking it.

“ _ WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS CRAZY GUY!!??? _ ” Marco’s dad shouted.

“ _ Mister! MISTER~!!! _ ” Sid yelled, trying to get his attention.

“ _ BWAAAAAAA~ BWAAAAAAAA~ BWAAAAA~ _ ” Hank replied.

Hank after twenty seconds of not hitting anything, ran out of ammo, but was still pulling the trigger. Marco’s dad wasted no time in punching Hank in the god dang face, knocking him quite far, and to the ground. Hank was WOKE!

“ _... Why the hell am I still holdin’ this? _ ” Hank questioned, while recovering from the punch.

Marco’s dad began to march up to Hank, but was met with a pepper spray to the eyes and nostrils, courtesy of Sid. This caused  Marcos dad to stumble quite far back. 

“ _ AAAAAAAHHH!!! AAAAAAAGHRGH!!!! MEO’S DEO’S!!! _ ” Marco’s dad screamed!

Sid while laughing, dropped a grenade next to Mr.Diaz (Marco’s dad),  ran away, picked up Hank’s glasses and scurried to Hank.

“ _ DAD RUN! THERE’S A GRENADE UNDER YOU!!!! _ ” Marco shouted, emotionally!

Mr.Diaz freaked out and ran away, but not far enough, the grenade exploded, sending him flying across the field knocked out, but still alive.

Marco’s eye’s sank, thinking his dad was dead, they filled with tears, manly tears! Marco ran towards Sid, ready to kill him!

“ _ Hey hey mister! Here’s your glasses! _ ” Sid said while giving Hank his glasses.

“ _ Thanks Sid… OH GOD WATCH OUT! _ ” Hank called out!

Marco out of nowhere punted Sid 5 meters away! (You can tell he likes to use his feet) Marco didn’t even seem to notice Hank, he just kept running towards Sid.

Hank turned his attention to Star, who was by Mr.Diaz’s body. Hank started to feel bad, but he wouldn’t let his emotions get in the way. Hank turned on his propane powered jetpack and flew towards Star.

“ _ Now let me show you how we do it in Arlen! _ ” Hank yelled.

Star quickly reacted and tried to shoot Hank with a rainbow blast. However, Hanks anti magic vest blocked it, so Hank suffered no damage. Hank then football tackled Star super hard, knocking the wind out of her. 

Hank then grabbed her by the wrist, and flew high into the sky. Star was dangling by her wrist, struggling to get away! 

“ _ This could all be over if you just give me what I want! I don’t wanna do this!!! _ ” Hank negotiated.

“ _ G-get... OFF OF ME! _ ” Star shouted!

Hank knew this wasn’t going to be easy… Hank then Started punching Star in her gut REALLY hard!(She should be dead), Star started coughing up saliva, and moaning in pain! Hank then flew towards the ground swinging Star over his head in circles, it’s a miracle how he could do this. Before they got to the ground, Hank let go of her, sending her flying into the ground! The impact made her bones crack! Star started to scream! Hank then made his way to the ground, safely, and began to walk to her.

Meanwhile, Marco and Sid were fighting! Marco of course was winning. Sid was starting to get tired of this hand to hand combat shit, so he pulled out 5 shuriken and threw them at Marco, but it was not as easy as it seemed in Naruto. Sid missed all of his throws, each one landing somewhere close to Marco.

Marco picked up these shuriken, and that was when Sid knew he fucked up. Sid began to run away but Marco then threw all of them into Sid’s arms! Paralyzing Sid’s arms.

“ _ EEERRGGHHH REEEEEEEE!!! I’M FUCKED! _ ” Sid cried!

Marco then ran up on Sid, and punched him in the face two times, knocking him down, Sid tried to get back up but Marco kicked his face in! Sid started to cry. Marco then picked up Sid by his neck and punched him in his guts until he started to cough up blood.

“ _ STAPH WUT R U DOING! PLS STOOOP!!! _ ” Sid pleaded!

Marco didn’t say a word, he was too… Edgy. Marco with both hands lifted Sid above his head, and then slammed Sid’s back onto his knee so hard that it knocked him out! Sid like any knocked out person’s body went completely limp. He rolled right off of Marco’s leg and onto the ground. Marco didn’t have enough yet, and started punching him in the face!

While that was happening, Hank was walking up to Star, ready to deliver the finishing blow. But just as he got close to her, Star opened her eyes, and saw Hank standing over her. She quickly panicked  and pointed her wand at him, and Narwal blasted his jet pack. This caused his jetpack to malfunction, and sent Hank spiralling high into the air. 

“ _ BWAAA~ oh my GOD!” _ Hank yelled out, while spinning around in the air. 

Hank then quickly unbuckled himself, and deployed  his emergency parachute. Unfortunately, there was a small hole in the parachute, so he fell quite fast, but it wasn't fast enough where it would have killed him on impact. 

Hank then landed oh Star, knocking the last bit of wind out of her.

“ _ AAAAAAAAARRRGH!!!! _ ” Star screamed!

Star’s body had given in, she could no longer move with the 240 pound old man on her body. Star tried to lift her wand but Hank pushed her arm down.

“ _ Now this has been a long time coming! It’s time to take something special from you! _ ” Hank laughed, happy that it was finally over.

“ _ AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH _ ” Star screeched, thinking she was about to be raped!

_ “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean for it to sound like that...” _ Hank stated.

Hank began to take the wand from her, but she was fighting back, she was quite strong!

Marco looked over at Hank after beating Sid’s face to a bloody pulp. Marco was quite scared at what he was seeing, it looked like Hank was actually raping Star, with all the struggling going on! Marco then ran towards Star, with tears in his eyes.

“ _ STAR!! STAAAAAAAAR!!! _ ” Marco cried, trying his best to get there, but they were a ways away from him.

But suddenly when Marco was halfway there, Mr.Jetpack came down from the air and collided with Marco's head, knocking him unconscious. The jetpack then went back up into the sky and blew up.

Star began to cry even more, Hank who was quite upset at this point, just decided to punch her in her gut again. This punch was to hard, it stunned her, but her grip was still strong. This made Hank really mad! Hank still gripping her hand and wand stood up, lifted his foot above her head, and was about to stomp her face into the ground. 

Star looked up at the bottom of Hank’s Timbs with tears dripping down her face. Star thought that this was it… But then!

“ _ HANK NOOOO!!!! _ ” A mysterious yet familiar voice cried out!

Hank slowly put his foot back onto the ground. He knew exactly who that was.

“ _ B...Bill? _ ” 

Hank then looked back, and saw his old friend Bill Dauterive. 

“ _ H-Hank, w-why were you about to stomp out that innocent little girl!? _ ” Bill said, shaking.

Star then looked over at them slowly.

“ _ H-hi! _ ” Bill greeted, while waving at Star.

Star just stared at him, unable to respond…

“ _ B-Bill… Listen… I just wanted to get home! But now I gotta go rescue Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn from GOD DANG PRISON! I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GET THERE!!! I was hoping this guy named Toffee could help me get there! Oh god! I really fucked up!!! _ ” Hank explained, hyperventilating. “ _ So many people dead!!! BWAAAA!!!! SO MANY LIVES RUINED! _ ” 

Star then shot up, as if she was never injured at all.

“ _ WAIT!? TOFFEE PUT YOU UP TO THIS!!!??? _ ” Star asked angrily!

“ _ Ye..yes. The lizard man… He said that if we took that wand, he’d send us home! _ ” Hank replied.

“ _...Let me tell you who Toffee is! _ ” 

Star then took the next 5 minutes explaining who Toffee was and why he wanted her wand. While also going off on tangents about why he’s a dick head. Hank finally understood it all (You could say Hank and Bill were actually WOKE).

“ _ I’M SO SORRY BWAAA! REALLY WE DIDN’T KNOW!!! OH GAWD!!! _ ” Hank apologized, having a mini bwaaa attack.

“ _ I really do understand… It’s not your faults. But I don’t get one thing… Why’d you have to… to… Kill Oskar? _ ”

“ _ Me and ma friends had NOTHING to do with that! It was that kid over there, Sid. The boy ain’t right… Like seriously, there’s somethin’ wrong with him. _ ”

The three of them sat there for a while recollecting what had just  happened, well Bill a little less than the other two. Hank then asked a question.

“ _ So ugh… Bill, how’d you get here anyways? _ ”

“Thanks for askin’!  _ Well you see~...  It all happened earlier today… I was really sad about you guys disappearing, so I decided to watch some loli clown hentai. I started to jerking to it, still crying. But as I was watching it, one of the clown lolis stuck her finger into the mans ass while she was jerking him off. So I decided to stick my finger in my ass, because it must feel good or something-” _

_ “A-aaall right Bill, I think that’s enough… There are kids around! Just tell us how you got here!”  _ Hank interrupted.

“ _ I was just getting there! And OH HI! My name’s Bill by the way! _ ” Bill said to Star.

Bill then reached out his hand wanting to shake Star’s.

Star looked in utter disgust.

“ _ You…. Shoved your hand in your ass, I’ll pass… B-T-dubbs, what’s a loli? _ ” Star asked.

Bill looked at Star, up and down.

“A loli’s an older girl that looks like a child...”

“ _ WHAT!? YOU WERE MASTERBATING TO CHILDREN!!!?? _ ”

Hank facepalmed.

_ “NO NO NOO!! IT’S NOT LIKE THAT… You know what. Let me finish my story before I make things worse... So when I did  _ **_that_ ** _ , my hand started to get sucked into my ass. The pain was so bad, that I passed out. Next thing I knew, I was in this world, and for some reason my implosive ass diarrhea was gone! I then decided “why not wander around for a bit?”. Eventually I got hungry, and decided to stop by a Dollar Tree, because I’m cheap. But the cops wouldn’t let me in because of a recent robbery. Somehow I made it into the suburbs where I saw a house that was almost destroyed! I heard some people moaning in pain, so I went in to see what was wrong. They were in a pretty bad shape. After helping them, I asked what had happened. They told me a man named Hank blew up their friends house. I asked what this Hank looked like and they described you! They told me I might find you near the woods or something. So I ran in the woods and searched around for a bit, then I saw an explosion and followed it! And that’s how I found you.” _

_ “Well I’m happy you found us in time or I’d be dead! Also thank you for helping my friends!”  _ Star extolled!!!

“ _ No problem! But on another note, what do we do about Kahn, Dale, and Boomhauer? I mean they are in prison after all. _ ”

“ _ Bill… I’m not really sure actually, All I know is that a really buff cop took them away, one by one. Failed plan after failed plan... _ ” Hank sighed.

“ _ OH! That guy, I know him! SERGEANT HARTMEN! Thing is though, he’s in another dimension, he takes care of people who decide to go into different realities. Which is why he was the only cop to take your friends away... _ ” Star explained.

“ _ That bastard...  _ ” Hank said under his breathe.

“ _ Well I don’t blame him. Seriously two of your friends tried to attack me! And the other tried to… to... _ ”

“ _ Don’t worry, those idiots wouldn’t have hurt you. _ ” Hank lied. “ _ Specifically the one that tried to attack you in the bathroom, I don’t know h’what the hell he was thinking… There was a reason I wasn’t involved in that plan. _ ”

“ _ Yeah… Well if it helps you guys cause any less trouble, I’ll help you get home! _ ” 

“ _ Did they really cause that much trouble? They were only here for three days... _ ” Bill asked.

“ _ I fight monsters on daily basis, and they cause less damage in a month than those five have caused in a day! _ ” Star explained.

“ _ Jesus... _ ”

“ _ So ugh, how do we get to that prison? _ ” Hank asked. 

“ _ Well with my wand I could warp us outside of the prison. And... _ ” Star said explaining what the plan was going to be.

“ _ Got it. _ ” Hank and Bill confirmed.

Then suddenly out of nowhere, Marco jumped on Hank’s back and bit his ear!

_ “BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!” _ Hank yelled in pain!

“FUCK YOOOOOU!!!” Marco wheezed!

_ “MARCO! MARCO! STOP STOP STOP!!!!”  _ Star pleaded!

Marco then got off of Hank. Hank then gripped his bleeding ear.

_ “Star! This guy tried to kill us! AND HE RAPED YOU!”  _ Marco accused!

_ “Rape? He didn’t rape me!” _

_ “Oh… WELL HE STILL TRIED TO KILL US! AND OUR FRIENDS!!!” _

_ “Listen Marco, I’ll explain it  all to you when we get home, okay? Just don’t attack anyone.” _

_ “Fine.”  _

Hank went and picked up Sid, while Marco and Bill picked up Mr.Diaz.

“Um… You really did a number on Sid didn’t ya.” Hank remarked.

“He might be dead after what I did to him.” Marco replied, with no regret.

All of them then silently walked back to Marco’s destroyed house where everyone was waiting for them. Them being Star, Marco, and Mr.Diaz and maybe Bill. When Marco saw Jackie he immediately hugged her, and they began to make out, it was quite the sight. Hank then walked in, and  they all started the freak out a little bit.

“ _ WAIT WAIT! Before ANYONE freaks out I just want you to know that this was aaaallll a huge misunderstanding!!! _ ” Star stated, trying to calm everyone.

Hank and Bill then sat Mr.Diaz and Sid down into chairs.

Mrs.Diaz started to cry at the sight of her husband. But was reassured that he was indeed alive.

_ “But what happened to him!?”  _ Mrs.Diaz demanded.

_ “He stepped on an explosive.” _ Star and Hank said, lying to her.

After everyone settled down, Both Star and Hank decided to explain how and why all of this shit happened. They also explained their prison plan.

“ _ Well Hank didn’t have to attack me! _ ” Jenna exclaimed.

“ _ S-sorry I was just hungry, and freakin’ out! _ ” Hank replied.

“ _ THAT DOESN- _ ”

“ _ Stop arguing. Listen, when need to wake up Sid kid fast. Then we need to go!” Star interrupted. “Oh and Mr.Diaz isn’t looking too good, he needs to go to a hospital. Seriously. _ ”

“ _ Why would we want to wake up Sid!? HE MURDERED OSKAR!!! AAAND SHOVED SHIT IN MY FACE!!! And to some extent Marco’s! _ ” Jackie presented.

“ _ Because he’s crazy enough to get the job done. Plus we don’t want to keep him here, he might kill more people. _ ” Hank replied.

Jackie looked down in pity.

“ _ Well I’m not about to wait all day for him to wake up so~ _ ” said Star.

“ _ Already got ‘em _ ” Bill said while holding buckets filled with ice water.

Star’s wand began to glow.

“ _ Perfect. _ ” Hank smiled.

…

**Boonaw:** _ “Don’t forget to leave a review and also don’t forget about loli clown hentai!” _

**JustSagan:** _ “And just to remind you all, no narrators were harmed in the making of the story…” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its time to end it all!


	10. All According To Plan?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time has come! ITS THE END!!!

**JustSagan:** “ _ Sorry for the long ass wait guys. _ ”

**Boonaw:** “ _ Yeah we got infected by Steven Universe hiatus virus... _ ”

**JustSagan** : “ _ Ya, but we do actually have an excuse. Our lives got busy... _ ”

**Fan1:** _ “We don’t give a fuck! Just give us the story cunts!” _

**Fan2:** “ _ Ya! And make more Truth and Dare stories! I need something to masterbate to! _ ”

**Fan3:** _ “YA I WANT A NEW CHAPTER EVEN THOUGH I NEVER A LEAVE REVIEW!!!”  _ (P.S. We love you all.)

**Boonaw:** _ “Shall we start then?” _

**JustSagan:** “ _ I guess we should. Enjoy the story! _ ” 

…

Star began to heal Sid, the douchebag kid, with her magic. Sid’s wounds were fading away, but the pain of being beaten by an angry cholo was still there.

“ _ Okay now throw the water on him, Bill. _ ” Hank requested.

“ _ Aww, heck I can’t do that Hank, look how peaceful he looks! _ ” Bill replied.

“ _ I don’t give a damn what he looks like Bill! I’ve been with this kid all day, and I tell ya h’what he’s caused too much hell to be peaceful! _ ”

“And you?” Janan commented.

Hank didn’t say anything, knowing she had a point.

“ _ Well okay Hank if you say so! _ ”

Bill then threw the entire bucket of water on Sid, it wasn’t even just the water, it the was the whole bucket, waking him up immediately!

“ _ AAAH!! STOP HITTING ME! STOP HITTING! STOP! I’M SORRY, I DIDN’T MEAN TO THROW POOP IN YOUR MOM’S FACE!!! _ ” Sid shouted, traumatized from Marco’s beating!

Jackie’s eyes widened with rage, while Marco’s mom just looked confused.

“ _ I-Is he talking a-about MEEEE!? _ ” Jackie said, angrily. “I’ll beat your FUCKING ASS YOUR LITTLE SHIT!” 

Jackie started marching towards Sid, ready to stomp on his nuts, but Marco held her back.

“ _ Calm down BIATCH!!! _ ” Marco commanded, because he’s Alpha now!

“Sorry daddy… I’m just a super naughty girl...” Jackie moaned, biting her lips.

_ “WOAAH THAT’S TOO SEXAAAAAA~!” _ PonyHead exclaimed.

_ “I-I don’t have enough big boy points for this!” _ Marco said, trying to sound Alpha, but coming out extremely beta.

“ _ W-What do you mean by ‘Daddy’, ‘Big boy points’!? OH NO!!! YOU HAVE CORRUPTED MY SON AND GIVEN HIM A MOMMY FETISH!!! OH MIA Dia~! _ ” Marco’s mom said as she fainted.

“ _ Oh look what you guys did now… Janna can you please go take Mr and Mrs Diaz to hospital, NOW! _ ” Star demanded!

“ _ WOAH calm down there princess! We’ve all been through allot in the past three days but you don’t have to be a dick! _ ” Janna fired back.

Star peered at Janna, with pure anger, grunting!

“ _ I’ll go now ha ha… Pony, Starfan, Jackie, can you give me a hand? _ ” 

“ _ Yeah we got yo back GUUURL! _ ” PonyHead exclaimed.

_ “Yeah just hold on.” _ Jackie replied.

Jackie turned to Marco, and gave him a kiss. Marco was SHOOK.

“ _ Come back safe, okay baby? _ ” Jackie bleated, weakly.

_ “I will… Don’t worry, see you in a bit...”  _ Marco blushed.

They let go of eachother and Jackie, PonyCunt, and Janna were on their way out of the house, but before they left, Janna turned back to say one last thing to Hank.

“ _ You know old man, if you had a father's heart, then maybe you wouldn't be such a horrible person. _ ” 

Hank was both hurt and confused by this.

“ _ H’what? I am a father. _ ”

Janna was quite surprised, but in a weird way happy to hear this.

“ _ Thats hot… _ ”

“ _ BWWAAAA!!!!! _ ” Hank yelled, freaked out.

“ _ That's illegal you know. _ ” Bill informed.

“ _ Are you serious Janna? Just get Marcos parents to the hospital already!”  _ Star demanded.

“ _ Jeez fine! _ ” Janna sighed!

Janna and the cunts then walked out of the house, and made their way to the hospital.

Sid had finally recovered from his PTSD episode, stood up and immediately recognized Bill.

“ _ HEY YOU’RE THE ASSHOLE WHO SUCKED ME UP YOUR ASSHOLE!!! _ ” Sid screamed

“ _ Oh I’m sorry, I had a condition that made my ass suck up anything it’s pointed at, but it seems to be cleaned now. _ ” Bill explained.

“ _ THEN IF YOU KNEW THAT WHY THE HELL DID YOU POINT YOUR ASS AT ME!? _ ”

“SID SHUT THE HELL UP!!!“ Star and Hank raged, ready to break his dickhole in half! 

Sid did in fact shut the hell up. But their outburst scared everyone silent for a second.

_ “Um… Is your portal thingy ready or h’what? _ ” Hank asked, trying not to sound rushy.

“ _ Yep just been waiting for someone~ to wake up. _ ” Star replied, sounding annoyed.

“ _ Wait what’s this portal thing? _ ” Sid asked, confused.

“ _ Just do h’what we say, you’ll understand soon enough. _ ” Hank assured.

“Okay  _ let’s get this over with! _ ” Star exclaimed!

Star used her dimensional scissors and created a dimensional portal to Hartman’s prison. Sid looked kinda worried by this, but he didn’t have time to say anything because Hank pushed him into it. Then after Hank, Star, Marco, and Bill-who was hesitant at first- jumped through it. Once they crossed into the portal they arrived at the front of the prison.  

_ “Where are we?”  _ Sid asked.

_ “Prison, where you’ll be if you keep killing people!” _ Hank answered.

This made Star and Marco laugh a bit, but Bill looked a little scared.

_ “Well is everyone ready?” _ Marco asked.

They all nodded their heads, except for Sid, who didn’t know what the plan was.

“ _ Okay then, disguise time! _ ” Marco said enthusiastically.

Star waved her wand and shot it at Hank. Hank had a puffy mustache, black denim jeans, and a shirt that says “My Mom’s Only Child Raped her”.

“ _ Bwaa!!!! I would never do that to my mom! _ ” Hank stated.

And then she pointed it at Marco, who turned into Princess Marco.

_ “Why am I a princess?” _ Marco asked.

_ “Because you look cute like that!” _ Star complimented.

And then she pointed it at Sid, who turned into a little clown loli girl.

“ _ WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!? _ ” Sid shouted!

And then she pointed it at Bill, who she gave a tank top to that said “I Like Little Clown Loli Thots”, and a tutu. 

“ _ Woah I feel pretty! _ ” Bill said, not realizing what his shirt said.

After getting adjusted to their new disguises, they made their way up to the front gates of the prison. Where they started to talk to the booth guard, who was high on acid. 

“ _ Umm… We would like to talk to the warden. _ ” Hank requested.

“ _ Aww ya dude! YAAAAYAG SDGWLESARVHEAEZYAW RYGRHWDAZHA RADSASEAVKISEFGW!!!!! _ ” The man replied, as he headbutt a large red button labeled “HARTMAN!!!”.

Within a few seconds, Hartman appeared right behind the group. 

“ _ YOU NEEDED ME? BECAUSE IF IT ISN’T IMPORTANT I’M GONNA DESTROY YOUR WAR BUTTHOLE!!! _ ” Hartman yelled, startling the group. 

“ _ AIIIJD DDKKKALSI DDAIJASNFFSAFASD ASF AFASDG GSDGSF 420 ADFASFSGASGASTEADFASFAFASFAGAHAS!!!!!!!!!! _ ”

“ _ WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING? SPEAK ENGLISH BOY! _ ” Hartman yelled, and then threw a brick that keeps in his pocket at the post guard. 

“ _ Oh! Sorry sir! These people wanted to see you! SIR! _ ” The post guard replied.

Hartman then started to examine the group, and was immediately drawn to Hank and Bills shirts. 

“ _ What the hell… _ ” Hartman said to himself.

“I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU ARE HERE BUT YOU BETTER GET THE HEL-” 

Hartman stopped yelling when he noticed “Princess” Marco. 

“ _ Wait, your Princess Marco! Im such a big fan! What can I do for you? _ ” 

Marco was quite surprised by this, but he knew that he could use it to their advantage. 

“ _ Oh I was just in the area with some friends, and I was wondering if I could get a tour of your prison. You do have the best prison around. Oh and don't worry about the Clown Loli, she is actually 40. _ ” 

Hartman was taken back by this, but he was more than happy to give the one and only Princess Marco a tour. 

“ _ Well, I would be more than happy to give you and your friends a tour! Follow me inside! _ ” 

_ “Um Marco, this isn’t going according to the plan...” _ Star whispered.

_ “Don’t worry Star, we could use this opportunity to our advantage.”  _ Marco assured.

The group then followed him into the prison, and were immediately shown around the courtyard. Hartman then led them inside, and into the Lunchroom, where they saw the crucified Jared. They then walked to the main hall, but Bill could have sworn that he saw Jared’s body move a little bit.

“ _ I think I saw that dead guy move! _ ”

Hartman laughed at this.

“ _ Nonsense! That body has been up there longer than even I can remember! _ ” 

They walked through the main hall, where the guards were. There were also a bunch of statues of Hartman, including a naked one with water coming out of its dick. 

“ _ My oh my, that is quite the statue! _ ” Marco complemented, trying to sound impressed. 

Hartman smiled, but said nothing as he started to lead them to the security section, which was littered by cameras, but surprisingly no guards.

“ _ Haha, this place sure does have an awful amount of camera’s _ ” Marco pointed out.

“ _ Those camera’s aren’t real, they’re just there to scare the rookies! _ ” Hartman explained.

While Hartman was about to show them to the last destination, Sid slipped away into one of the security rooms, with a dick head grin on his face.

“ _ And thiiis~! Is the interrogation room!!! _ ” Hartman shouted with joy! “ _ Sit princess sit! _ ” he requested.

Marco, Star, Hank, and Bill then sat down. They inspected the room, and noticed blood on the floor, and other bodily fluids. But what really caught their attention was a group of TV’s in the back.

“ _ Hey h’what’re those TV’s for in the back there? _ ” Hank asked.

“ _ OH! You mean the monitoring set!? There  for- I’ll just show you! _ ” Hartman replied!

They all then walked to the monitoring set, Hartman reached into his pants and pulled out a remote that smelled like musty war butthole and flicked on all the TV’s. They were horrified by what they saw! It was Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn, being mentally tortured.

“THESE 3 DISGUSTING PIECES OF DEGENERATE TRASH TRIED TO RAPE AND KILL A LITTLE GIRL! A  L I T T L E  GIRL!!! SO I FOUND OUT WHAT THEY DIDN’T LIKE AND FORCED THEM TO DEAL WITH IT!!!” Hartman explained!

Hank started to sweat profusely, and everyone else gulped.

“ _ Now… Let’s watch and enjoy! _ ”

On the first monitor was Dale.

Dale was in nothing but his hat, glasses, and underwear. He seemed to be in a very large and foggy prison shower. Dale was running while screaming and flailing his arms. Dale was being pursued by a bunch of very strong looking prisoners, who were all naked and had dicks so large that they were dragging on the ground. 

“ _ We’re gaining on ya and it's only a matter of time sweetness! _ ” One of the prisoners yelled. 

Dale started to scream even louder, and started to run even faster. However, no matter how fast he went, the prisoners were still able to keep up with him. The prisoners didn't even seem like they were running out of breath, while Dale was clearly getting exhausted. He was a smoker after all.

Dale kept on running, but he slipped on some soap. The prisoners took advantage of him, and tried to thrust their large cocks at him. Fortunately, Dale was able to dodge out of the way, and continued to run. But there was no escape, they would eventually catch Dale...

On the second monitor was Khan.

He was strapped to a chair, still in his underwear and beaten badly. He was surrounded by buff Mexican men and naked Dragon Furries, who had bulges in their pants. The Mexican’s and Furry’s started to taunt him.

_ “You like raping little girls huh!?” _ one cracked out Mexican said!

_ “No! NO! I DID NOT RAPE HER! I DIDN’T MEAN FOR HER TO BITE MY NUTS!” _ Kahn explained, trying not to get hit!

_ “SICK FUCK!” _ another Mexican shouted!

The Mexican’s then started to violently beat Kahn, they beat him so bad that he lost his “two~ front teeth”! But that wasn’t the end of it, after the Mexican’s were done beating him up,  two bunnies walked up to him, they released him from the chair.

_ “Oh t-thank you! Than- OOOI!!!” _ Kahn screamed, as one of the bunnies shoved a huge dragon dildo into his ass, with no lube! While the other bunny started to use his balls as punching bags.

Kahn began to cry. He tried to crawl away, but the dragon furries held him in place. And whenever he would complain the Mexican’s would beat him. But that wasn’t the worst part for Kahn. While he was being sodomized, a group of rednecks appeared in front of him with a wooden cross, and nailed to it was Kahn’s old pants.

_ “MY PAAAANTS!!!” _ Kahn happily yelled, ignoring all the pain he was in.

He was so happy, until the rednecks threw gasoline on it and set it a flame!

“WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME KAHN!? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!??” his pants screamed!

_ “AAAAAAAAAAAAH WHY!? WHHHYYY!!!???”  _ Kahn screamed, before getting violently beaten by the Mexican’s...

And on the third monitor was Boomhauer.

Boomhauer was not in his underwear, but in womens panties. He was in a trap bar, and was being held face down on the bar table by a whole bunch of traps.

“ _ Dango let me go! Dango let me go fags! _ ” Boomhauer pleaded.

This only made the traps more turned on.

“ _ Oh Boomhauer! You sure know how to turn a ‘girl’ on! We are gonna have to do something extra special for you! _ ” 

All of the traps in the bar then pulled out their large and erect trap dicks, much to Boomhauer's horror. 

“ _ Dango help! Someone dango help! _ ”

Boomhauer's cries meant nothing, as the traps pulled his panties down. 

“ _ Dango help! Dango AAHHHHH!!!!! _ ” Boomhauer screamed, as 3 erect trap dicks entered his ass…

Hartman then turned off the TV’s.

“ _ How’d you like it Princess Marco!? _ ” Hartman asked.

Marco was unable to answer, actually no one was able to speak, except for Hank.

“ _ H’why are you doing this to them!? _ ” Hank asked, horrified.

“ _ BECAUSE I GOTTA FIGURE OUT WHERE THEIR LEADER HANK IS!!! SON OF A BITCH CAUSED ALLOT A MAYHEM IN JUST THREE DAYS!!! _ ”

Hank’s sweat finally got the best of him, his fake mustache fell to the ground, revealing his true face. Hartman stared at him. 

“ _ HOLD ON A GOD DANG SECOND!!! _ ” Hartman shouted before pulling out a shitty drawing of Hank’s face that looked like it’d been drawn by a 4 year old on a 3DS.

Hartman compared that drawing to Hank’s face and could somehow tell it was him!

“ _ HANK HILL!!! I’VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED!!! _ ” 

Then suddenly!

“ _ BWAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! _ ” Hank screeched acoustically!

Hank grabbed Hartman’s neck and slammed him into the monitoring set, choking him!

“ _ BWAA BWAAAAA BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! _ ” Hank shouted, having a bwaa attack!

“ _ Oh no calm down Hank! _ ” Bill pleaded!

But it was of no use, Hank could not hear Bill, due to his constant screaming!

“ _ St-Star! S-should we do something!? _ ” Marco asked, terrified!

“ _ No… No… It needs to be this way... _ ” Star said, emotionlessly.

Hartman started to punch Hank in the face to get him off of him, but it was of no use, Hank couldn’t feel the hits! Hank started to bang Hartman’s head on the table so hard that it began to bleed, and a paper fell from his pocket! Hartman’s sunglasses fell off his face, revealing his beautiful eyes, Hartman looked at Marco, and a tear fell from his face.

“ _ BWAA YOU WANNA TORTURE MY BWAAAA~ FRIENDS!!! THEN BWAAAA!!! _ ” Hank yelled as he lifted his fist high into the air punching Hartman in the nose, breaking it.

Hank then choked Hartman with one hand, and repeatedly punched him in the face with the other one until his face was unrecognizable… Hank punched Hartman one last time, Hartman’s body went completely limp… He stopped breathing, he was dead… After Hartman died, he instantly soiled himself.

A second later Bill’s phone notification went off.

**_“He need some milk!”_ **

_ Everyone looked at Bill, so he turned his phone off. _

“... _ H-Hank you killed a man... _ ” Bill gasped, acting like what just happened never happened..

Hank didn’t reply, he just looked at Hartman, disappointedly. Marco was frightened to death, and hyperventilating. Star was disturbed by this, she knew she would be in the same situation as Hartman if it were not for Bill.

“ _ Star… Hartman’s dead now, where’s the portal thing-a-ma-jig? _ ” Hank asked.

“ _ Um… It’s in Hartman’s… Butthole. _ ” Star informed... 

“ _ Oh gawd... _ ”

Hank without wasting time, pulled Hartman’s pants down, Hartman was wearing a diaper, Hank began to get even more uncomfortable. Hank Pulled it off, to his surprise there was no shit in the diaper, it was the portal war butthole plug!

“ _ THAT’S IT! I can get you home now! _ ” Star exclaimed!

“ _ That’s perfect! THANK YOU SO MUCH! _ ” Hank said, as he hugged Star!

Star was a bit creeped out by this, but she took it anyways.

“ _ But hold on, we gotta go get Dale and Boomhauer! _ ”

“ _ But what about Kahn? _ ” Bill pointed out.

“ _ Fine... Alright... _ ”

“ _ Hold on guys not so fast! This portal only works if it’s in someone's… Ass... _ ” Star informed. “ _ And it’s not going to be me! _ ”

Hank looked at Bill, Bill looked at Hank.

“ _ Fine I’ll do it… I’ve already had practice. _ ” Bill sighed.

Then out of nowhere, the prison alarms went off, opening all the doors in the prison! The prison began to rumble!

“ _ Oh no... _ ” Marco said, knowing things were about to go bad!

“ _ Quick we have to hurry! _ ” Star exclaimed!!!

...How could this have happened you say..?

Sid of course, he was the monster who started this prison riot, after killing five of the security guards, he gained access to the main room, which had all the prison’s mechanical function present. Sid being the dick head he is pressed the button to release all the door locks, creating a mini hell. Sid was about to leave the security section until Jared from Subway pinned him against the wall!

_ “Wait! You’re the guy who was hung up on the wall!? I thought you were dead!!!” _ Sid said, very confused.

_ “I was dead, yes, but when you walked into the room, my body was reviewed! There’s nothing better than a cute little loli!” _ Jared explained.

_ “A what!? I’m not a loli!!” _

_ “WELL YOU’RE SOMETHING I LIKE SO YOU’RE ABOUT TO FEEL MY FIVE DOLLAR FOOT DONG!” _ Jared exclaimed, horny as hell!

_ “GET OFF OF ME YOU FREAK!” _ Sid shouted, struggling to break free!

_ “No one can hear you baby! I sure do love a loli trap! Get’s my meatballs going!” _ Jared said while rubbing Sid’s face.

Jared then threw Sid into the other wall parallel to his, Jared began to pull down his pants slowly. Sid thought he was about to be rapped by Jared... Until!

_ “OOOOH NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”  _ a glass cup filled with Koolaid yelled as it broke through the wall right behind Jared, instantly crushing and killing him!

_ “K-Koolaid man!? You’re real!!?? Why are you here!?”  _ Sid asked!

_ “Because I broke the fourth wall! But that doesn’t matter! You need to get out of here!” _

Koolaid man then ran away from Sid yelling  _ “OOOOH YEEEEEEEAH!!!” _ breaking through walls in the process. Sid then unknowingly started running towards Hank and the others. After running a few sections down, he looked into a door, and found Hank, Bill, Star, and Marco!

_ “GUYS! WE NEED TO GET THE Fuuuu~... What are you doing?” _ Sid questioned trying to figure out why Hank was shoving what looked like a dildo into Bill’s ass.

_ “Don’t question it.” _ Hank said.

_ “Woah!” _ Bill moaned, as the warbutthole portal plug finally slid into his ass.

“ _ Woah that’s nasty! _ ” Sid complained!

“ _ Agreed. _ ” Star remarked.

_ “Okay Sid, listen here. We don’t have time to explain h’what happened, so just listen. If you want to get home you’re going to have to follow us!”  _ Hank informed.

_ “I’d do anything to go home! I can’t take any of this shit anymore!”  _ Sid pouted.

“ _ Good, because I can’t either! I think we should go find your friends now! _ ” Marco said.

“ _ Well here take this map, we’re going to need it to find them in this giant prison. _ ” Sid said, while handing Hank the map.

_ “I wouldn’t even know where to find them on the map...”  _ Hank sighed.

_ “Well maybe this would help”  _ Star said, as she handed him a piece of paper.

Hank looked at it and saw that written on is was the locations of Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn

“H’ _ where’d you find this!? _ ” Hank said with smile.

“ _ I found it by Hartman... _ ” Star said, awkwardly.

“ _ Well come on guys! Let’s go! _ ”

They all began to run towards Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn, after running for a bit Hank was a little tired due to his bwaa attack he had earlier, he began to fall behind the others. Once they ran a few sections down, they turned into a corridor where Hank was blind sighted.

Hank was grabbed by his neck so that he couldn't cry for help, and was lifted up into the air. Hank was shocked to see that his attacker was a real life Charcoal man. 

“ _ I know ALL about you Hank! You have been criticising my kind for years! But that's ok, I just wanna ask you something… You know how everyone's black on the inside right? Well I'm about to make you DARKER! _ ” Charcoal man explained, as he unzipped his pants, and was about to pull out his dick. 

But then, a large blast of fire hit Charcoal man, and killed him. When Hank fell to the ground, he immediately stood up, and looked around to see who had saved him. And to his surprise, he saw a Propane man. The Propane man looked at Hank, and smiled.

“ _ Taste the meat… _ ” Propane man said. 

Hank smiled upon hearing this.

“ _ Not the heat... _ ” Hank said.

Propane man then stepped back into his cell, while Hank ran back to the group, only to see that the group had come back for him.

“ _ Come on Hank! We gotta move! _ ” Star said.

The group were then on their way.

When the group finally made it to where Dale, Boomhauer, and Kahn were being held, they saw three doors, each with the names of who was being held behind those doors.

They opened up Boomhauer's door. They saw Boomhauer lying on the ground, clenching his butt, and saying  _ “Dango trap fags...”  _ over and over.

“ _ Um Boomhauer... _ ” Hank and Bill said.

Boomhauer shot up, extremely happy to see that Hank and Bill.

“ _ Dango Hank… Dango Bill… Dango… _ ” Boomhauer was so happy to finally be free. 

Boomhauer was also surprised to see a clown loli, Star and Marco, but Hank explained to him what was going on. Now leaving the room and going to the next, they heard Dale freaking out behind the door, they knew that they would need to release Kahn first in order to have more of a chance of grabbing Dale. 

They all went out, and opened Kahn's door. Kahn was curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, but he wasn't freaking out.

“ _ Oh Hank! I have never been more happy to see you in my life! I can finally go home... _ ” Kahn said, in a super relieved tone. 

“ _ It's not over yet Kahn, we still gotta get Dale out, and I have a feeling that he won't be as easy. _ ” Hank explained. 

Everyone then gathered around Dales door, and got ready to grab him.

As soon as they opened Dales door, he came running out, screaming. He managed to slip past everyone, and unknowingly made his way near the prison showers. As he was running, a portal opened up right next to the prison shower entrance, and Toffee stepped out. Toffee angrily grabbed Dale, and pulled him close to his face.

“ _ You! I knew I couldn't trust you and your friends! Now i'm gonna have to pound your ass to send a message to everyone who thinks it's a good idea to betray me! _ ” Toffee yelled, as he bunched up his fist. 

Dale was freaking out, thinking that Toffee was about to rape him. However, just as Toffee was about to punch Dale, Urkel came running up, and shoved Toffee into the Prison shower room. At this moment, Hank and the others had caught up to Dale. 

“ _ Oh Dale! I'm so glad you're safe! _ ” Hank said, relieved. 

“ _ Ya… Toffee was about to sodomize me… But Urkel saved me! _ ”

Urkle smiled, and gave Dale a hug. However, Urkel's bulge touched Dales bulge, and this caused Dale to once again freak out.

“ _ AHHHHH!!!! This was your plan all along!!! _ ” Dale said, as he tried to run away, but was grabbed by Hank and Bill. 

“ _ Oops, I guess I should have warned him about a big package! _ ”

**[Laugh Track]**

While Hank, Bill, Boomhauer, and Kahn calmed Dale down, Star and Marco wondered what had happened to Toffee.

“ _ Hey Erkel, what did you do with Toffee anyway? I don't see him anywhere _ .” Star asked. 

“ _ Oh I pushed him into the prison shower room. I hear there is free parking in the rear! _ ”

**[Laugh Track]**

Inside the shower room, Toffee was recovering from the shove. He was about to go back out and beat the shit out of them, but when he stood up, he saw that a bunch of buff dragon furries were in the shower room, and they were all giving him dirty smiles. 

“ _ No! Noo! Stay away from me! _ ” Toffee pleaded, with no luck.

The dragon furries all closed in on him while doing the penis in butt gesture with their hands. They then forced him to the ground, and mounted him, one at a time. 

Outside of the shower room, the others could hear Toffee screaming, and the sound of meat slapping noises. 

“ _ Do you hear that Marco!? Those guys are beating Toffee up! _ ” Star happily said.

“ _ Ya… They are DEFINITELY beating him up in there… _ ” Marco sarcastically said, knowing what was actually happening.

“ _...Well everyone’s here now. _ ” Sid said, stating the obvious. “ _ Like I’d like to chit chat but I really don’t I just wanna go home. _ ”

“ _ Same here. _ ” Hank, Dale, Kahn, and Boomhauer commented.

“ _ Well Bill, do the thing and you guys should be on your way home. _ ” Star said, happily .

“ _ Watch out! _ ” Bill cautioned.

Bill bent over and clenched his ass cheeks really hard. Then a portal immediately came out, forming a big perfect circle. This portal wasn’t like the others, this portal was clear as day, and they could see their houses from it.

“ _ How convenient it went straight to our houses!”  _ Dale exclaimed! ” _ Dang I wonder what our wives are going to think... _ ” 

Dale then immediately jumped through the portal!

_ “YES I’M GOING HOME!!!”  _ Sid shouted, running through the portal.

_ “D-Dango had enough of this shit.” _ Boomhauer lifelessly said, as he walked through the portal.

_ “Fuck you little girl! You almost ruin my life!” _ Kahn said flipping her off with both hands before entering the portal.

“ _ What he meant to say was thank you... _ ” Hank corrected. “ _ I’m sorry for ruining your life and almost killing ya’... I- _ ”

_ “That’s enough. Say no more please.”  _ Star consoled.

_ “Well it was fun I guess, we-!!! AAAH!!!” _ Bill yelled as he felt a large burn go up his asshole.

Bill looked back, and saw that Star had blasted him in the ass.

_ “HEY WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?” _ Hank asked, angered!

“ _ Sorry… But I NEVER want to see ANY of you again! Well maybe except for Bill, he was actually nice… But as for the rest of you, LEAVE! AND NEVER COME BACK!!! _ ” Star insisted.

Star then opened a portal to Marco’s DESTROYED house.

_ “NEVER COME BACK!!!” _ Marco yelled pointing at Hank and Bill, before walking into the portal.

Hank and Bill wasted no more time, and ran through their portal. After they entered the portal, it immediately collapsed. They all looked at each other. Sid could be seen running down the street.

...5 minutes later....

The Arlen sun had never felt nicer before, the only thing better than it was their beers. Even if they were warm

_ “I tell ya h’what guys, I’m so glad to have all ya back, you know being all alone back there was pretty much hell.”  _ Hank expressed.

“ _ YOU THINK YOU WENT THROUGH HELL!!! FUCK YOU STUPID HILLBILLY! I’M GOING HOME! _ ” Kahn raged!

Kahn then marched home angrily!

“ _ What’s his problem? _ ” Dale asked.

Kahn walked up to his house, angry and relieved that he could finally rest in his bed. Kahn opened his door and walked inside.

“ _ I can’t wait to go to- _ ”

Kahn’s demeanor changed from happy to frighted real quick, as he saw a Dragon Furry jacking off, on his couch!

Then the door shut behind him, Kahn’s neck snapped back, to see another Dragon Furry standing in front of the door, with a dirty smile on his face.

“ _ AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!! _ ” Kahn screamed, but no one heard.

_...Meanwhile... _

Hank, Boomhauer, Dale, and Bill sat at the fence sipping their beers.

_ “I know you guys went through allot and all, but I feel like someday we’re going to look back on this and laugh about it.” _ Bill said, trying to cheer them up.

_ “Yep...”  _ Hank replied, in a sad tone.

Boomhauer said nothing, he just looking really depressed.

Dale fell to his knees and began to cry!

_ “Oh...” _ Bill sighed.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alls well that ends well... I think.  
> Anyway, thank you to everyone that has been reading this story! And thank you to Boonaw for writing this story with me!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first of many chapters! Stay tuned for more!


End file.
